das yvonne.

...twen-tee.nine.

2008-09-02T12:38:00.004-04:00

AHHHH, its been nearly a month since i last touched this business.
but im back. and since the final tuition payment is due tuesday [which i paid today] i guess im staying.

months before i left vancouver, an exchange meeting was held to inform us of what to plan before our departure, what may occur while away... and to tell us that it never ends.
that of which was simply to tell us in advance that the experience doesnt end once we leave our school.
back in my old school, surrounded by old friends, an old city, old friendships...
a passing of 10 months seems to have aged everything i once knew to a point of where i feel as if im a stranger in my own world.
six months away. i thought i had only lost time amongst unfamiliar surroundings in a learning atmosphere where my creative needs were challenged and bound within barriors and the life i had left nearly half a world away... had somehow fallen asleep.
in those six months, i simply existed and lived as if i were never leaving.
till my last night in zurich, i felt a sense that i wasnt actually leaving, but just going to visit home, going to school for a bit... just going away for a while.

schools started now, my first day back was the most challenging of all. i held a constant struggle within myself, debating if i belonged amongst those i left 10 months prior. questioning every uneasy feeling, debating every unsettled decision for the upcoming year; i became overwhelmed and broke.
at which point, i was shown why i belonged here, what i was doing here and who mattered here.

its been a roller coaster being back, from appartment hunting and dissapointment,
being surrounded in my old city has opened my eye to many things i was oblivious to before,
the ways people are, the way we live, what we do with our every day, how we treat each other.
the smile i woke with every morning in zurich still wakes with me every day.
the people i have surrounded myself with, the work i am producing, the excitment about projects and ideas i have...
this. is. everything.

10 months away has showen me what im doing here.
why ive decided to return and stay isnt really something you should need me to explain,
have you the chance to see what im doing here,
you'd understand.

...twen-tee.eight

2008-08-12T09:08:00.001-04:00

i went camping the other week, it was good fun! we climber a mountain, and jewel made a snow angel at the top!
we ate beans cooking in the campfire, attempted to master the s'mors - but left too soon on a greyhound to vancouver.

i arrived in vancouver on thursday night, and headed rite to jericho beach, where i accidently stumbled across a few fields of frisbee players. i took a closer look, saw a sweed flag, a german.... and THE SWISS FLAG! AHHH,[i was excited.]
the puropse of my vancouver weekend visit was to see lisa [my roommate form switzerland, shes on the national swiss frisbee team, the frisbee and guts championships were being held at thunderbird stadium in vancouver. thus, lisa was playing frisbee in vancouver] [and i couldnt wait to see her.]
i quickly searched the field of players and found my little swiss lady friend! i was so excited to have one of my roommates come visit that when it actually happened, i couldnt believe it. lisa ditched her bus back to UBC and joined us for dinner. it was her first time eating vietnamiese food... by the end of dinner, her fingers were tender from using chop sticks!
NEXT: LISA HAS HER FIRST BUBBLE TEA!
amanda and josie suggested started flavours, anna and simon knew what to order.. and i knew ot hold back on the bubble tea-goodness! i wish i had had my camera wiht me for a photograph of lisas first sip. she had NO idea what to expect, the tapioka bubbles got the best of her and she didnt finish her bubblie surprise! [josie then dompnstrated to lisa how one sucks a bubble into their drinking straw... and projects it out [with force] onto storefront windows along broadway!]
i had the pleasure of watching the swiss team play finland friday morning, unfortunatlly they lost, placing them 10th in the tournament.
as well as they played, i couldnt figure the dammed game out! i mean... they throw the frisbee... and run past it when it lands ont he ground. if it were me, i woudl have picked it up and kept playing! but apparentlly, lisa informs me that onlys elect members of the team are allowd to pick it up. meh, who needs rules anyways. and another strange thing about ultimate... they play this circle ring business game deal thing at the end, they all huddle together and chat...? i dunno, i dont get frisbee!

i really enjoyed having lisa visit canada, at times reality snuck up and when i looked around while riding hte bus with her, i realized i wasnt in zurich anymore. it was the frist time riding public transportation since i left switzerland, and there i was... with a swiss mate on the 99 B-line?
everyday for 6 months, i relied on the ZVV to get me around zurich. the minute i stepped off the plain in toronto, that was al history. car. we use cars and other automobiles to get everywhere we need to get in this country. and now... translink+lisa+vancouver.... ???
everytgin kinda cought me off guard. on one hand, i wanted to take lisa all over, show her my city, sheo her the good eats, the fun places, introduce her to my friends, she her what all that vancity fuss was about.
but on the other hand, i didnt realize i wasnt ready to be back in vancouver yet, and i just wanted to catch up with her and have girl talk the whole weekend. i wanted to chat with her as if we were back in switzerland, and she was representing each of our housemates. but she clearly wasnt brown or blonde sandra, wasnt kevin or jan.... and my god, lisa is no simon! having her here was the perfect visit! naturally lisa wanted ot explore the city, but never fussed about needing to see anythign in particulare, it was sure a nice weekend doing everyday thins with her in the city... i wish i had had more time to spend and chat with her. ha.
it was such a pleasure having lisa in the city, i loved every moment of her being here. i had limited time to show here everything in my life from the past 3 years... so it had to be narrowed down! adn when it came time for me to leave her on sunday, i left her with letters and a fabulous map of the city, enriched with a list of things she must do, see and eat in the city!
i couldnt believe i was saying goodbye to her as i boarded the greyhound back to predator ridge. finally leaving hit me - and i cried as i boarded the bus.
not even 10 minutes on the bus, simon and i decided LISA MUST LEAVE VANCOUVER AND COME STAY WITH US! but my cell was dead!
so it was arranged, lisa woudl explore the city for a few days... then come stay at predator ridge with us while simons parents were off hiking/climbing mountains in and around banff.
she came... YESSS!
it was awesome. it was so awesome having her visit not in the city, but in another area of canada that not everyone gets to see. and she gets to stay at a wicked awesome golf resort! she was here for only a few days... but they were packed with excitment!
lisa joined me at work on thursday morning! she met willem, dan and frazer... and saw how we 'work'. ha ha. she even picked up the rake and accomplished as much work as frazer does in a week! ha, just kidding.
we showed her this place and went wake surfing that night on robs boat. simon surfed well, lisa got up on her first attempt, willem made surfing look harder hen it ever could be... and i got up by accident!
then... we ate delicious nachos covered in CHEDDER! [ohh i missed chedder all those months!] took her to ricardos and then rock climbing at skaha followed by floating down a river and taco bell [her idea!] afterwards.
simon really enjoyed having her around, I LIKED HAVING HER AROUND.
i wish she haddnt had to leave, or that i could have gone to san diego or new mexico with her... but ill be back in vancouver in about a week and half, getting ready to break in the foundation students, sorting out living for the next two years and finding my favorite peoples which i havnt seen since december. sigh.

i shoudl have taken lisas passport and claimed t was stolen on her bus ride to kelowna,
i shoudl have broken her leg while she was surfing,
should have sent terrorist threat letters signed by her,
just to make her have ot stay in canada a while longer...
but better yet, i shoudl just go back to switzerland.

anyone want to join me? next summer? mid to late aug perhapse?.... stay until oktoberfest-ish time? yes?
we'll talk!

...twen-tee.eight

2008-08-03T12:12:00.003-04:00

so after last weeks long hard thought delegations, i have come to realize that my hobbies are...
people watching,
taking pictures of people... [that i am watching]
correspondence,
making photos,
and adventures,
in reality, as it looks, I guess im the perfect professional stalker, or undercover information officer, yes?
some people invest money into gear and supplies for their hobbies, i invest in postage, stamps and film!

so, if you or someone you know is in the market and they wish to have someone followed...
please, contact me for further detail.
(no money back and no guarantees)

its sunday morning - i usually try o update this blogg'in business on saturday if not before then... buuuuut i didnt!
i got tired and have been searching for a place to live for sept. vancouver housing this year is rediculous... more rediculous then any other year i have been searching. ive been living on craigslist for the past 4 weeks responding everyday to postings in my price range. (NOTE... do you know of a 2br apartment not in the sketchy asian part of town? Reasonable price? pleaseeeee. tell me, yes?) its almost dammed near impossible to get any response it seems, within an hour of a place going up, thay are usually taken.it also doesnt really help that nicole is off in spain with her sister and mom rite now, and didnt leave her refrences. all replys im getting is asking for both of us to come and see the place, but that cant happen. shes not arriving in vancouver until the 29. so that leaves me alone to convince these landlords to take us.
im heading to vancouver this weekend, im trying to set up house viewings for sat and sun... so far ihave a few, btu they want us both there, so we probablly wont be getting those places.
im goig camping this week.. yeahhh. im bringing my trysty old type writes thats travelled across canada with me nearly 4 times now! (i have ot keep up to date on my hobby some how!!!)
leaving for camping tomorrow and while were returning o thursday, they are droppig me off in hope to catch the greyhound to vancouver.
okay, okay, so youve most likely heard of the fucked up sicko (vince li 40 yr.) who decapitated and then proceeded to eat a man on a greyhound bus last wednesday. il be sitting at the front of the bus next to old ladies, or next to children! those annoying ones that never shut up.... but at least i know they arent gonna knife me...

also, another super wicket crazy awesome things...
LISA IS IN CANADA!
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
lisa my roommate from zurich is on the swiss national ultimate frisbee team, and theres a championship being held at thunderbird stadium in vancouer rite now!
lisas team is in the championship.... thus LISA CAME TO CANADA! so coem thursday, i head to vancouver to find my long lost swiss mate! im so excited, i have mc adventure planned, places to showhere, people for her to meet, ahhhhhh im so excited!
there was a rockslid just last week on the sea to sky highway connecting vancouver ot whistler, i had hopped ot get one of my guys-es cars to take lisa to whistler to show her some of our mountains. btu unless they get all that cleared up... ill just take her to vancouver island and to east hastings! ha. oh god! [but actually, i am taking her to east hastings, its a cultural match point in the city!]
having lisa in the city is probablly gonna be one ot the greatest highlights of my summer, seeing as i am usually on the run every minute of everyday being spoiled by incredable friends at home... this sumer has been beyond low key.
i have been enjoying myself, but it doesnt have that 'kick' that has made all other summers memorable.
in switzerland, i hardy did anything... i was hoping to return home to have my ass kicked back into summer mode... but sadly that was cut short after just a few days. sigh.
i miss those killer days whe your out till 3 or 4 at the bar, and the you realize... fuck i have ot work at 830..... fuucckk meeeee.
but you know its gonna be okay, because you have good ol' timmy ho's!
ahhh i cant wait for school to start, back into business and harassing the first eyar studets, rite now - its what im breathing for!
its sunday, its the first day since ive gotten here that we havnt had anythign planned. its kinda nice.. got to sleep in!
so today... marbel slabb.... YESSSS i love ze, ice cream!

...twen-tee.seven.

2008-07-27T22:16:00.002-04:00

driving back form the beach this afternoon,
dan asks in his british accent, "yvonne, what kind of hobbies have you?"
"ummmm..." i reply. "i dont know? i dont think i have any hobbies. my roomates in switzerland asked me that and i didnt know what to say. i used to have hobbies. but i cant remember what they are. i guess i forgot?"
dan and simon kinda laughed.
but then it dawned on me...
i really have forgotten my hobbies! or did i ever have any? AHHH i dont know!
i mean, im a photographer. and i like to go on adventures to take photos... does that count?

okay, so does anyone have a hobby i can have? know of a web site where i can find one?
were planning on going pain tballing at Silver Star in the next weeks to come, i voiced to the guys "maybe paintball is my hidden talent, and youll all be blown away at my excellent skills?" they wernt buying that one either!
(actually, we have teams planned for paintball. y team has uniforms. uniforms of WHIT PAINTERS SUITS! i know what your all thinking... BRILLIANT! yes? dont worry, there will be pictures for you all to see!)(and my team will win!)

so hobbies...
does people watching count? (i hope so.)
simon said that my hobby talking to people. i prefer to think that my hobby is sining and making others sing with me. does that count?
okay, for serious guys... i need a hobby. any suggestions?
i decided im going to find some this week, AND MASTER THEM!

were going mini putting this week, maybe ill be good at that!
or maybe my hobby is trying to find a hobby,
or maybe my hobby is accidents, hummm, maybe.

okay, for real, any hobby suggestions? and no stamp collecting please!

...twen-tee.six.

2008-07-26T20:44:00.004-04:00

hummm,
if theres one thing i dont miss about being on the west coast... its gotta be the early morning wake up calls! just because the rest of the world seems to be living in the future from where i am currently living... this doesnt mean YOU SHOULD CALL ME AT 5 AM.... AHHHHHH! [sigh.]

ive been living at predator ridge for about two weeks now, its been rediculous! halarious! awesome!.... and exciting.
work has beating me everyday... i think i amuse my co-workers.
OR they just like to laugh at me. i like to play in the dirt, so if 5 minutes into the shift im dirtier then they are after 8 hours... i get made fun of! were working landscaping on this spa resort at predator ridge [its called sparkling hills] i only assume that in the next few years operah will be walking along the path i built!
the other day yvonne was on power sander duty... yupp, [but it only lasted for the morning]
everything seemed to be going well until i got to the second piece of wood - the pine slipped from below the sander, which then fell towards me... and now i have wounds on my upper thighs. moments later, simon arrived with some polyspourn for my cuts. i then slipped on the gravel and bashed my knee open on the ground. it hurt. bad. it bled. scabbed... bled again. and still hurts!
i spent a hour in the spa last evening trying to stretch the muscles in my knee, to loosen it up and hopefully give it less of a dead weight feeling for biking today... but i had no such luck.
i woke up this morning, it was still sore, tender and 1/4 dead-ish. i refuse to see a doctor until maybe wednesday. because of my knee, biking never happened today, and rock climbing at skahaw wont happen tomorrow either... instead im being dropped at the vinyards next to the beach, sigh! (im so excited! wine & cheese.... AND BEACH! YESSS!)

ive met some awesome people here at predator, from simons family to their friends, my co-workers and their peoples... ive been kept super busy - im exhausted. i need a vacation!
we got to Silver Star this morning, the guys headed uphill with their bikes... dan spent 2 hours in the repair shop! rachel and i decided to get lift passes for the day and do some hiking... we got lost! it was awesome!
we tried another trail after lunch... we won!
we had hoped to see at least one bear on the trail today, instead... we were attacked by man eating flies. they enjoyed eating rachels flesh... but stood their distance from my garlic based skin. (they were missing out - huge!)

rachel is 4 months pregnant now, so we had a rather leasure hike down the mountain - yet i got a blister on my toe! we chatted the whole afternoon away, when i started to think about people - my favorite people far away, family i miss, friends that have passed away and the new people that have overwhelmed me recently. ive been thinking about things people remember. how sometimes you remember things and you wish to hold on to those memories forever, but the ones you wish to remember the most... often slip away the easiest. then other times you remember things and you wish to forget them, but know it best to accept they happened, you know they happened at least once... so they would be best to prevent from happening again.
but then i thought of the things that happen that make me happy. make me appreciate things. things i hope to always remember... but know that i should forget them, maybe just for a little while. maybe i should forget these things so i can find new things to look forward to, new things to make me happy,
but then i realize that these things i wish to remember [but feel i should forget] are what makes me appreciate what comes next.
and somehow i know i cant forget them... i wont let myself.

i find that the things i keep secret in my daily thoughts find their way into what im doing, they remind me of so much, that i feel this need to abolish them... so as i can move on adn appreciate new things. but when i realize how these old things make me smile. i know nothing else could ever stand as a replacement or hold an alike value of equality to what i already know as wonderful.

...twen-tee.five.

2008-07-20T03:41:00.002-04:00

i cant begin ot tell you how many times i attempted to write this next blogg entry.
how many times i pulled up the screen to write the next one,
how many ways i thought to start it,
how many days i set aside to write it.
if i had worked according to my initial plan, i would have posted the day before i left zurich, the day before i left queensville, man maybe mid montana...
yet, because of the effecting factors to change the perspectives of everything in my surroudance (yes i made that word up!) ive found hesitance to post in nearly a month.
much has happened, as you may suppose.
i left.
i left zurich, and forced myself not to look back.
i knew if i looked back, i wouldnt have left. no one tried to stop me from leaving.

i hate goodbyes. thus... i try to pretend they mean nothing to me, i tell people i dont want to talk about it - because its a truth i cant stop from happening.
originally i was to leave switzerland on june 24, but prolonged my stay due to a few mentionable... and unmentionable factors and things i had hoped would be there.
some i found, while others have bound my mind in knots for some weeks now. officially... i have left. but since then, ive been looking for ways back. witht he new carbon tax business going on... a round trip from vancouver to zurich will cost me a few bucks shy of $1500... i guess that less then a doller for every KM! (17000km)

i live 9 hours of a difference now, its the difference between nigth and day, makes the seperation of who i know and who i knew rather relevant. and it hurts.

i have home for what seemes for a few hours. from the moment my plain landed.... till today - ive been nothing but busy.
trying ot make up for lost time with friends, trying to sort out what im doing come september, and trying to find a place to hold onto where ive just been for the past 5 months.
ive left places before, and soon after leaving... i find myself searching for ways to hold onto those places. and slowly as the days turn to weeks... weeks turn to months.... i forget.
forget what that place was to me, forget whats happened there, forget the smiles and saddest of all, i begin to forget why i even held on in the first place.
i dont want ot forget this place, i want ot keep it in my pocket forever. i want to remember everything. i dont want to let these people slip away as other may have.
i know a few of my rebhusliweg co-inhabitants have read this blogg in the past... and guys, if your reading it now.... im not goign to stop harassing you with pointless e-mails, annoying facebook msgs and awful junk mail.
try to ignore me... ILL JUST SEND MORE ATTEMPTS! thats a promise.

i refuse to write i final farewell in this blogg, im not ready for that.

in the weeks before i left, i had written letters to all my roommates, i tucked them away in a safe place so they wouldnt be spotted by accident. but my failing memory forgot that i had packed them into my negative binder..thus i didnt find them until i had returned to Canada, and haddnt given them to those they were meant for.
on the morning i left, both Sandra and Simon gave me letters to read on my flight home. i tucked them in my carry on, along wiht cherries simon had picked the day before.
as i sat in my seat, i thought of the letters... but held off on opening them because i still had a few healthy hours to kill across the atlantic before landing!
first snack break in, i pulled them out. opened the first one only to see simons hand writing which was enough to make me begin crying. in a twisted morbid way, i thought "this might very well be the last time i ever see simons writing, or have words written by him in my hand" i put the letters away and talked ot the man beside me.
usually i avoid eyecontace and go to great extremes to avoid conversation on planes with strangers... this is al because ive taken too many night flights form vancouver to toronto with creepy business men while flying home for christmas every year. but this large jolly looking man seemed innocent and not a perv. we alked , he told me of his wife and kids, how he moved ot canada from pakistan, how he was a computer programer who haddnt learned anything new in 20 years, and about his pet horse! he asked me about myself, my travels, my schooling, photography, family, friends, and slurgi! i told him i was bringing back the best souviner.... my bicycle! he laughed and told me of his youthfull bike racing days. the man was grossly overweight and i hardlly believed he was a cyclist! ... btu as the hours past.. he kept coming back to the idea of my bike! at one point he said "who would have thought, after al these years, i run into a cyclist on my flight" i told him tha ti was hardly a cyclist, that slurgi and i only ventured downhill, usually on sunday... and along Zurich See. nothing to bragg about.... seeings as shes a bitch when it comes to going up hill.
in the end, i realized i had jsut had one of the most lovely conversation with a complete strange, he helped me wiht my luggage when exiting the plain and told me that it was a pleasure meeting me. and maybe, for the first time since i can remember... i believed him.
dad picked me up ( on time!!!) i came home ( mom was still at work), i walked in the door... and there was Marty lying (dead like) on the floor. i haddnt realized how much he could have aged while i was away, but apparently he developed diabeties, went blind-ish, deaf, cant lift his leg to pee and can hardly keep his rear end up while standing. he should he put to sleep... but i dont think the family wants to not come home to him every night. sad thing is... i havnt had faith in him for the past 3 years. every time i leave for school, i say goodbye to him as if it will eb the last time... but he keeps on kickin... but realistically - theres no way he will make it till i see him again.
as soon as i was in queensville, i left. got a job at predator ridge and roadtripped across america with luc to the west coast. made it alive... and ive been working since i got to simons place in the okanogan valley.
the people i work with are rediculous/halarious characters! and now that im working... all ive had time to do is thinkg about more things that make me loose sleep at night.
last fall, i felt homesick as i missed my friends so dearly after the best summer of my life.
now,
im homesick,
culture shocked,
i miss my alien country,
and wish upon every chance i get that ill see my Rebhusliweg roommates again one day.

im still not ready to say goodbye,
for now, i need a distraction or day dream to get me through till september when classes begin.

...twen-tee.four.

2008-06-18T17:45:00.002-04:00

i know i shoudl write about my greek adventure tonight,
or how a few of my most favorite people in the world have just visited me in the last week,
or maybe i shoudl write about the glorious events to have taken place last night at EURO CUP (ital vs. france) in zurich... btu before all that...
i lost my breath tonight.

i still remember that first day i felt like i belonged here.
it was a sunday, brunch to be exact. i remember how i felt that day- that i had a place i belonged, that i was a part of something - and how i decided it was a feeling i would keep and bottle up forever.
i remember that day-and how it made me feel-how i could breath clearly. and how i never thought it would end.

it ended today.

i took nicole to the airport for her 10am flight to Toronto.
it wasnt the goodbyes that made my realization reality, it was the thought of being in that airport and not knowing how i would ever get myself on that plain in a few weeks.
it dulled my day thinking of this. i came home and read a few e-mails from home and talked to my mom on the phone. in the back of my head, i knew i wasnt looking forward to today.
today was the day my roommates has scheduled to interview new people for my room.
this room is my place here, the only place i have in the city to feel comfortable, and to think of it slipping away so easily... made my day even worse.
i tried to forget about what was to come this evening by cleaning my room, doing laundry twice today... i actually washed some thigns more then once. then cleaned the kitchen, bundled recycling and newspapers, helped sandra take the PET and glass to the recycling depot... but the thought of someone replacing me... wouldnt shake out of my head.

tonight was the first time since i left canada that i felt i hadn't a place to belong.
i thought of what that meant, and how it was something that i often felt in the 905 and 604, not because i was alienated... but because of the constants that follow me in my relationships and friendships with others.

i made my dinner as the first 'possibles' arrived.
i was okay.
i turned and saw my 5 roommates differently,
they were together, and i wasnt there.

i know they need to find someone to take my room.
i just didnt realize how easy it would be for them to pick a random person who replied to a internet posting.
i left the kitchen to eat my dinner in my room alone.
people came and went, i showed them the generic tour...
a handfull got a few more cents out of me about the place, only because i could imagine a few of them being picked, and to keep my emotions from showing... all i could awkwardly do is comment on a strange/exciting fact of living here.
at one point i had one guy in my room and he just kept staring at me as if he wanted to hear more... i had nothing else to say and offered my precious bicycle.
and then regreated the thought of giving slurgi up so easily.

i sat in my room, jan and sandra called me to the kitchen to join them,
but i dont think any one of them realized I COULDNT BE THERE.
that i couldnt sit there watching them replace me.

i started to imagine what their lives would be like when im living mine 14000 & 17000 km away...
and then i realized, im going ot miss each one of them more then they would ever miss me.

i walked across my room to get lotion for my sunburn and saw them all together, and realized. thats it.
im not a part of this anymore.
all those bottled thoughts of the sunny day seemed stale, and only existant in my imagination.

the doorbell rang again, and i showed the lasy guy the tour... he was rather friendly, and seemed to chat along with the others just fine in the kitchen. everyone sounded like they were having a wonderful time in the kitchen when someone yelled out "yvonne, whats the search words for 'what are you sinking about'?"
naturally, i love that youtube video, and i sprang to get the video... but when i gotto the kitchen, they were already watching it.
i went back to my room and sat there, and thought about that night justin told me about it. and how it made me laugh for what seemed like endless hours. and how i loved showing it to my house mates, and how we still randomlly watch it... and how i like to think of it as my little thing.
and there i was in my room barely holding together, while they were showing it to the new guy and laughing together.
ive picked up on some german here and there, and i then recognized the mentioning of cartoons or something, and i had a thought that they were mentioning this other video i always show my roommates.
thankfully, before i could hear any more and wonder why show this radom guy 'my little joke things' the doorbell rang for the final person (who was my favorite in the end) she was friendly, pleasent, nice and i had a feeling she would fit in rather well with everyone.
and then my heart broke.

maybe everything i thought was here has just been in my head. that i was believing what i needed ot believe to make this a place i needed to exist.
maybe... just maybe.

but then when i think of each housemate... i know i didnt make this all up.

i cant imagine not comign home to them every day. hearing sandras 'hallo' from the basement followed by chatting with her seconds later,
seeing jan once or twice a week,
hearing kevins slippers come down the stairs,
or simons consistant mishaps...

never once in my 5 months of being here have any of them asked me why i am the way i am.
simon almost came close to touching on it once... but i wasnt ready to say anything.
all the visitors left this evening, and the roommates dissapered back to their studies.
i needed to walk someplace, for tonight... i saw them together, as they would be as if i never were here. it shattered me.
special friends at home always tell me that i could never be replaced... when someone tells you something like that, you never believe them. and now... i really dont believe them.
i started walking tonigth just as nigth was falling. the moon was full and orange like chedder. and i started thinking aboot how no one ever questioned who i am to those at home.
and when i started to think about what i woudl say if they asked...
i found myself in disbaleaf. if i were to hear what has happened ot me, what ive done, things i couldnt control from happening and got bound in... i dont know how i would respond. i probablly wouldnt respond. maybe feel like i should... but wouldnt know how and thus, wish i had never asked.

just before i came to switzerland, i was at work with jane. shes 16, in high school, sheltered by her suburban neibourhood and spoiled by her parents. somehow, we both worked the same night shifts during the week, we would chat... and she would be curious about so many things, why i thougth a certain way, dealt with things the way i do and allow others to meet me as a simple person. jane worked my secrets out of me, i kinda laughed at frist when she said 'youve done and seen so much adn your so young'.
but now that ive been away from att the surroundigns that have effected everythign that has built who i am... i see jane was rite.
some things - i never should have seen, felt or had to deal with. it took isolation from the surroundings i was raised in to see that clearly. in zurich, i wake with a smile on my face, i can hear my own thoughts, i can breath.
but i lost my breath tonight, as i walked through the fanmile trying to contain my tears - for every memory of a happenign or occurence which has aided to shaping who i am today, i lost wind.
even worse, i found myself hyperventalating at the realization of what happened last december. it never hit me until tonight, i guess ive never really had the time to think about why people chose to involve me.
and then i realized, the people back home who say they love me and miss me the most, are the ones that got me choked up tonight, the ones that when thinking about them... flushed so much out of me.
why is that? that the ones that 'love' you the most, need you more then you can give.

there are a handfull of you that know and understand why i could never turn someone away.
has that made me a push over? maybe, probablly?

funny thing is, i arrived in zurich with no one knowing a thing about me.
i never said anything, never explained anything... no one needs to know specifics.
now that im leaving... i have in idea of what they know me as here...
its probablly a more naturally realistic idea, more ideal then who those i have known for hears know me as.

im not ready to leave here just yet, this feels like home.
that if people ask, i was raised in queensville, went to school in vancouver, but home is zurich.
she laughed and said i cant just do that! that i dont even speak the language!
as good of a point as she had... i thought of that saying 'you can never truly go home'
ive seen and experienced this twice a year for some tiem now, slitting time between the 905 and 604. but now... if zurich is my home, i would never be possible to return. my home here is Rebuesliweg 1d, with sandra 1 & 2, lisa, kevin, jan and simon.
anythign esle wouldnt be home.

in a couple weeks, ill be walking out my home door one last time.
how would you feel?
if when you hear that door close one last time, you knew that was it.
you would never be home again?

...twen-tee.three.

2008-06-05T18:15:00.002-04:00

its july 6th.

my last crit at ZHdK,
the last day of my exchange.
and the day of Blaises retirement party.

my emotions are all over the place this evening, from mixed feelings of classes ending, missing the peope i have growen to adore in my class (even though i dont understand a word they are saying) mixed with messages from people in the 905 that love and miss me, combined with grade 8 style gossip im hearing from the 604... witht he constant reminder that today is probablly one of the most important ones i shoudl have been at home for.

i came home from school this afternoon, and wanted to nap. i had just been asked by faculty at ZHdK what i thought of the photo department. i was honest, and maybe now i feel a little awful for what people may have thought i was implying.
ive been thinking of the blaise stories and memories to be shared tonight at the retirement party, i wish i was there. i have so much to say to blaise, the best i could do was write a short message and ask marco to read it this evening while hes at the dinner.
i tried to find my classmates at the diploma party tonight, btu with no luck... i wondered the city for one last quiet night before the tourists and socer fans arrive for the opening os saturdays Euro cup.

im trying ot occupy my mind rite now, to keep me from becoming overwhelmed with emotion... so i turned ot facebook and found a note georgia had just posted...

In the end, it's not about who was with you. Or who was against you. It's not about friends and crushes you once had. In the end it's all about you. What you find there, and who you find it with.

Alexx Faitaleh

yupp, that did it!

im so sad now. my exchange is over... everything i worked so hard for for years has come to an end... just like that.
im still in switzerland for another month - in that time ill be abusing the photo facilities like a bitch!

what have a learned while being here?
more then i wish to write, more then i expect anyone to understand... and more about myself then i could have anyplace else.
my classmates...
they are wonderful people. i enjoyed their company more then they realize. their smiles kept me going all these months. today one teacher asked if i made any friends while i was here... hummm,
how can i put this... the swiss make friends differently then canadians? ill miss the 8 hours of german, come september... ill have to learn to pay attention in class again!
ive recieved private coments form faculty at the school here - all of which i will always remember and appreciate.

i dont really know how write this entry tonight. im holding back tears and trying to come to some kind of hold upon the events that have taken place here, and what im hearing from those afar.

ill remind you of one thing. things get around... people talk, and what you say WILL get back to who you have said it about. think about it.

ill stop now, i cant say much more this evening without becoming even more upset.

...twen-tee.two.

2008-05-31T07:33:00.002-04:00

i am not a rice grower,
nor do i prefer eating raw fish.
i am not a seaweed expert, and i hate the taste of it.
i know nothing of 'good' or 'bad' sushi...
until i moved to switzerland.

yesterday at lunch, i thought..'today, im going to try something different', different urned to something i haddnt eatin in a while...
thus was sushi.
i havnt had sushi in so long, probably since vancouver with black black or something... so yeah, its been a while.
i went to the migros where they have a election of sushi that 'looks' okay!.. everythgin had cree[y raw busines on it... except one california roll...
fret not, i closely examined this swiss sushi before deciding to purchase it.
it didnt look too good, btu it wasnt too bad either!
apparently california rolls in zurich have mayo, avacodo mush, crab, lettece adn pinapple!
i bought it, and ate one piece.

and then i knew the differene between good and bad sushi.
if i wasnt a fan of it before... im defenetlly NOT a fan anymore.
ewwwww, i shutter thinking about it!

anyways...
ive been crazy busy wiht this van dyke printing.
this school is making it nearly impossible for me to print them, its rediculous..ive had to remodify so much to make something work.. even rite now im waiting for the colour kreonyte to heat up so i can print my transparencies... its saturday, adn i had to find a man to open the buioding and turn the power on.. because no one comes here on the weekends.... ever.
so until it warms up... i have time to update!
last week was rather exciting adn exhausting!
i had papers due, project to work on and visitors!
i was up till about 2-3am everyday of the week, up at 730...and with no time to nap during the day.
on tuesday morning i met jason edwards and his family at the train station! jason and his family have been travelling europe for the past month, spending time in german, italy, croatia, switzerland, france and jason was venturing to scotland t visit some old exchange friends form the fall term at ECI.
we all enjoyed a cup of coffee before setting off from his parents. jason had two things he wished to do in zurich, get to a pro photo shop, and see my school! awesome! i was so excited!
ask my roommates, i was excited for jasons arrival!
first he loaded up on film at the photo shop...
we climbed a bilion stairs to the top of the main building of my school...we walked on the rooftop patio.... and then i showed him my building! we returned to my house to have a bit of a lunch break before returning to my school; as my classmate Antji wished to do a photoshoot with me.
jason was up for anything, and he happily accompanied me back to school for the photos.
Antjis needed natural light for the photos, so the shoot would be rite beside the window. and if you know europe,, buildings have many windows, with buildings close to oneanother... aka the neibours would soon witness out shotoshoot!
the photoshoot required me to sport my gold and silver bikinis with a sausage hanging around my neck.... yeah, i know what your thinking!
so as i stood in the window, i soon caught the attention of some young boys in the school building across form us!
i laughed and waved, they waved back.
we proceeded to take photos, and the boys teacher left the room... so they all gathered around the window hanging out tryign to get my attention. i couldnt stop laughing at how rediculous this was.... so we took a pause in shooting!
next up... i put on my black swimsuit and returned to the window.
jason had decided to wonder the school during the shoot, he met bruno my technician, they chatted about brauncolor buisness and gear the school has, people even said hello to him in the halls! he enjoyed his time wandering and then returned to the studio. i told him about the boys out the window, he thought it was rahter funn adn soon looked out the window only to catch the boys staring at me - and then their teacher realized what was going on and closed their windows and blinds!
we laughed and finished up the photos! (ps, i just saw a few she printed... they are halarious! so good! ill post one later!)we then ventured through zurich, creeped old ppl at the train station, walked the shopping street, went to the lake, showed him the lindonhof where the old ppl were playing chess.walked along the river, and then i showed himt eh most awesomest barber shop ever! full of old jason edwards woudl love! showed him lennin and marx's house and we travelled through nearly every street int he old part of town!
we were exhausted by the time trish and her friend had arrived at the main train station.
we found them, they drpped their bags at y house and we had a dinner in the old part of town. then i took them to one of my favorite parts of town... the rooftop plats at the university/ETH.
jason was leaving for paris inthe morning, thus we said our goodbyes as i had early class in the morning.
i met with trish and her friend at noon to show them the city... they decided not to see zurich and went to a chocolate factory instead before leaving for vienna.
the rest of the week was somewhat chaotic. none the less... exciting though!
ive been living between darkroom k and p for sometime this week, i so tired! not only are my hands stained from silver nitrate, but it got my arms... and splashed my face... i have new freckles now!

the term is comign to a end and im super busy now, im printing like crazy and tuzi and i just booked our flight to greece!
IM SO EXCITED!
marc and brit arrive on saturday, tuzi arrives sunday and them monday... VACATION!
ive been climbing a mountain almost everyday this week... as in the Hogg! kevins SOS ETH movie night was happening at the top, so we watched movies outside.. and even though i wasnt there... they played my milk video! ahha ha

k, things heated, ill finish later byee!

...tewn-tee.won

2008-05-19T07:38:00.002-04:00

FINALLLYYYY... I GOT TO PLAY WITH THE MEGA PRINTERS!

for the past two week, ive made continuous booking for the glossy epson mega printer... only to have my name erased by some half ass diploma students.
first and second time it happened... i respected the fact that they have seniority...
but when some 'monika' chick came along and erased all the booking last week from 8 -23 hr..... i got pissed.
what the hell was she planning to do? print for a constant 75 hours in one week? HAS SHE ANY IDEA WHAT KIND OF INK BUSINESS WERE TALKING HERE?

so, i had two booking that week, one to have my paper profile loaded, and the econd to print my images which woudl take less then a hour.
she deleted me.
everyone in my class was furious, yet none of them had planned to do anythgin about it... i guess thats a swiss thing. cuz at eci... if your fucking with others... you better expect to be shitted by those you fucked... and others who dont want to miss a chance to bitch at someone!
anteji offered to translate a email to this monika girl, but somehow i couldnt find the rite words to make her understand how pissed i was... i i thought 'screw the e-mail, im findin this girl and telling her how it is'
next day - i show up for my booking even though i know shes erased me. i thought about reasoning with her first, so i polietly asked her if she woudl be needed th printer for the whole day and if i coudl have an hour of time with it to print a project. shes bluntly said no.
ahemmmm, so i said - well you know, i did have this booked, and you wiped everyone off the board for the week,,,, are you sure i cant use it for a hour?
she said no, im a diploma student, i can take however much time i need when i need it.
so i said to her... yes, i have been told that about you diploma students, and i was also told that you have been aware of this ONE project you have all year long, and since you knew you were goign to need this much booking you should have planned ahead and had put a notice up on the board telling all the students that you will need this time, this way we could have worked around the schedule. but instead you have wiped us all of, we have projects to complete just as you do, you have screwed everyone over now. you have left a lot of people and their projects stranded. i know you dont care about our projects, and thats fine... most of the others here dont care about yours, btu at least have the common curticy and respect for your peers and work together with everyone..
she didnt really respond to what i had just said.
i thought maybe she didnt understand english as she said she did!
i was pissed, frusterated and fucked over for time slots,
i walked out of the room to the paper i was sizeing only to realize there had been a few older students who probablly had heard what i had just said.
shit i thought! i didnt mind bitching at monika because she had no consiteration for the others... but i didnt need the others in the school to think of me as a awful person... they easily can point me out because im the only one that only speaks english in the department!
i continued sizing my papers... and kinda got a guilty feelign in my gut, i almost felt like appolagising to her... but didnt.
nothing was every day about it, and no one approached me.. so i figured i was over reacting and forgot all about it.

that is until i arrived at school this morning at 8 am to make sure i was there for my booking,
as i walked in, i saw a few pieces of loose paper taped to the sigh up board.
all postings are always in german, so i never pay attention to them - i figured that if it was for me to read... whoever wrote it woudl know i speak english, thus.... it woudl be written in english.

holger helped me load my sheet film profiles and then i noticed the signs were in german and in english! ahahah
turns out someone had heard what i said, they clearly understood the importance of working with others and being sensative to others workign schedule.
the postes notes were from a few grad students who were going to need a few full days of printer bookings in the next two weeks for their grad projects!
i smiled! thought it was funny.... cuz i knew i wasnt the only one that was pissed abotu the diploma students, and that others agreed about putting a posting up to let others know!
AND - they wrote it in english too! ahahah that was for me!

so today, i got to play with the massive printers, so awesome, so fun!
and actually, they kinda make me wanna go digital - but i know back at eci..... access to these printers is not an option.

this school and some of the students are really starting to grow on me.
i usually see the same ones when im there, i guess word got around i was canadian, because random people i havnt talked ot have approached me asking about the best places to visit in canada! i love getting random questions about canada and america!

i dont want to leave here.... just as much as i dont want to write this paper im still procrastinating!
i jsut dont know what thilo is expecting!
AHHHH im going to nap! then write it!! funy thing is... the papers so simple, its explaining one of my own projects, copleted or in progress, tis apperance, conceptual idea ... just abotu the projects! its too easy.... i just dont wanna do it!
ohhh nap timeeeee!

...twen-tee

2008-05-18T16:59:00.003-04:00

its sunday.
the table next to me at starbucks is asking "who are you today".
what kind of question is that to ask while im trying to put my foto project into words for my teacher to read?

i saw this written on the table, and i realized.... i know! i know who i am today... and i cant wait to show you.

for far too long now, i have procrastinated many things. (actually-at the current moment im procrastinating a 1-2 pg paper for thilo!)
updating this blogg is something i find myself putting off so often, because i find it hard to comfortablly write what im thinking for a broad audience that might/might not exist.

because ive procrastinated... ive figured a few thigns out.
things that have been around for years,
things that are happening now,
my old friends, and the new ones.
things happening in the 905. and the 604.
situations that happened long ago,
happenings that have replayed and looped round me from year to year / city to city....
ive procrastinated, and it clear to me now.

turns out that today - ive found the things that make me happy.

the people, the places, the things... they are the ones that i wake up thinking about, the ones that so easily find their way into my thoughts and dreams, thoughs who have given me honesty and shared their life.

a year ago, i applied to participate in the ECI exhange program. through hesitation and self debate... i finally got the portfolio and letters together, and showed up late to hand it in.
as i stood there in disbelief in myself for getting there late... i think erin saw it in my eyes that i needed this to happen. that i needed my submission to be taken. she took it. (i still owe her.)
a few weeks later, i ran into john at my locker. he smiled at me and told me that i shoudl be expecting mail soon. my heart sunk, i knew what he was referring to... but my nerves wernt ready to hear the good or bad news.
by accident i opened a e-mail a few days later without thinking what it could be.
i read it and then closed it. thinking it was fake... like a spider in your cereal.... you close your eyes and think... 'i didnt jsut see that'
i knew what i had seen, i was accepted. (funny thing is.... when i found out i was accepted to the school in switzerland, the same thing happened, strange titled e-mail form unknowen address. i opened it in the digital labs...but i knew what this one meant.)
i found john just after i found out i was going on exchange, he smiled and asked if i had gotten my mail. i smiled and said 'you knew, didnt you?" his smile spoke a big 'yes'.
some days later, i saw john again... i cant remember how this conversation started... but i remember it ending by him saying to me... "in a couple of years, come back tome and ill tell you something" i didnt know what this meant, but i was in no position to argue or try and ask him what he was talking about - john is brilliant man who plays clever word games... hes probablly the best i know!
what he said had puzzled me, so the next time i saw him, i asked if what he was going to say is something i shoudl be worried about. he said no! and asked if i had ever 'been behind the scenes'. i said yes! and then i kinda understood where he was goign with this.
john promised me he wouldnt die until 'those few years when im older' have passed.
i think about this rather often. and how i have so many questions for john, but i never know if he will respond.
i kinda like not knowing what it is he has to tell me,
it keeps me guessing, and thinking, and analysing.
i have an idea what it is hes going to tell me,
and now that im here, i know even more of what it is.

i miss john, and running into him in the halls. i miss the rediculous questions he poses so simply.
then you find yourself awake at 3 am trying to figure out what could be a simple 3 word answer... but you know that john wants you to see so much more then just a few minimal words.

a year ago, you could have found me in vancouver. 4005 welwyn to be exact!
although was young in age, the happenings of the past 8 or 9 years had begun to wear on me and show.
i found myself exhausted. and i didnt know why. i mean, by standards of my mother i should have felt fine... i was getting enough sleep and eating rite!
but there was so much more weighing upon me,
keeping me from breathing and keeping me from being able to listen to myself.

i know who i was when i left vancouver and toronto.
and now that im here, i know what i was to those i left half a world away.
i knew when i left vancouver in december, i would return as someone else in september - possibly unrecognized by those who surrounded me,
i knew that when i left queensville and the 905, i didnt know what i would return to.
i had two death dreams just weeks before i left for zurich. naturally - they freaked me out to the point where i googled what the symbols i kept remembering meant. turns out... that my dreams were rite.
everything is making a play. it happening because i needed it to happen,
and because of this, i know who i am today.
maybe john knew who i woudl be today.
what i know, is that there are many people that havnt any idea who i am today.

im here, and i can breath. i lost m voice in vancouver. i was surrounded and bound by others.
at home, this happened long ago, and i know there are people waiting for me, and they know not to expect anything from or of me... becasue they know that what i do is unpredictable.

come july, ill be busy fro the short while ill be at home, finding those that mean the world to me and telling them just that.
all before leaving to vancouver. vancouver will be different this year...infact, it will be the best change for me yet.
in first year my brother and i lived together, second year i lived with a mix of grad students and eci students, of which i found living with non art students to be an excellent experience! this past fall, i lived with other within my separtment, and now in switzerland.... i live with physicists, law students, electrical engineers, politics majors... and i love it.

come september, my best friend (since forever!) will be moving to vancouver with me!
she will be going to grad school at the Vancouver school of art therapy.
this makes me happy. so happy!

i know what has made me smile today, it will be there tomorrow... amongst the unexpected things that will make my day!

...ninteen

2008-05-10T13:19:00.002-04:00

so its saturday,
its sunny, and i enjoyed a bit of a slumber this afternoon.
ive had a lot of contact with people from home and vancouver over the past few days,
its kinda made me miss things, but realize more things then ever.

its been a slow day, tomorrow is my birthday.
i kinda just want to do noting, think about nothing and worry about nothing.

now that i have this usti van dyke project practially organized ( just have to deal wiht printing on the transparency) ive had free time to think of other things.
i mixed my chemicle solutions yesterday and this morening i woke with a plugged nose...
i blew it and blood came out in a thick snotty mucus ( sorry!)
ahhhh, chemical exposure, my old friend.
seems to be we had a rather rough relationship last march and april... i guess i won though! but you always find your way back!

like i said, its been a slow day,
i tried to download made of honor... i thought tonight seemed like a chick flick night...
it downloaded awful and wasnt the made of honor i had anticipated it to be.
sandra informed me that there is some swiss football cup championship happening this evening.
bern and basel are playing.... apparently basel is the better team...
maybe ill watch the game later at 20:30,
canada plays belarus tonight at 21:30...
on nights canada plays hockey... i make a late dinner and listen to the game on FAN590 online...
i always catch myself glancing at the computer hoping to magically see the play they are broadcasting...
only to be disapointed with my usual backdrop ( a picture scott took of josue, trish miles and i posing with the back of j.edwards head in the corner.... i love it.)

i sized paper today for my van dykes...
people in my department (ones ive never met before) all know i speak english now, ones ive never seen approach me and will say.. you speak english, rite?
its kinda nice,
almost feels like cheers... without norm, woody, the bar, the beer... okay, maybe you missed my point!
byt i was sizing today, and thinking agian,
it was sunny, my body is screaming for a chemical detox.... and i was thinking about the things i think of all too often.
last night i had 4 double espressos before bed.... dont ask why.

i started to think about that 'journey' people take, that 'passage of becoming of age' kinda deal ppl do when they are young and still youthfull....
where they venture out into the wilderness for a period of time to find themselves.

my dear teacher Mr. Blaise did this on georgian bay years ago. he claimed to build a cabin, live there for 6 months, name a lake and live off the land without buying anything or ever going to town. he found his food in nature... and he stuck by this claim, that he was one with nature for so long....
if any of you know blaise, you might be shaking your head smiling!
either because you remember blaise as the man who reminded you not to drink cobalt- cuz it will kill you! or he took you to europe for the first time, took you on the tom thompson memorial cnaoe trip and turned his eye all all illegal activities to occur on the best place on earth.
oryou might know him as the crazy art teacher that made you cry and told you that you and your art was werthless and that no one woudl ever love you except your parents....
and this is why we loved him.
for year he told us of the ouji board story and tom thompsons ghost, the 'friction' story at georgian bay, the time he thougth his wife was going to die on a canoe trip, the bear and pots story i the middle of the night, why they call it 'hooker green', his childhood experience at the hot dog factory... or my favorite....
the time i came to class, and about half way through he stopped dead in discussion of the montreal art scene and said...
'yvonne, you remind me a lot of amelie, that girl in the movie.... you do the same things she doesna dn your mother died when you were young' i responded by saying... 'Mr. Blaise, my mother baked you a apple pie last week for the christmas party'
he responded with a quick smile and adjusting of his belt and saying... 'ohyesthatsrite!" hahaha
oh blaise!!!
he spoke of this cabin in the woods fr so many years and refused ot tell us its location...he said we would spoil it.
alas.. blaise and his wife are both retiring next month and took us to georgian bay one last time last spring. on this trip, he randomly stood, and said alrite, follow me....

and we saw the cabin. he took us to it. it actually exists. its made of asphestius.. but it exists.
i sometimes feel as if i woudl have never accomlished anythign if it wernt for blaise and van houten...
because of him, i stayed at SH for another term, i applied to study in the arts, in every project i do - i constantlly think of him and his teachings, how he drove us to insanity and made us proud of it. when i got mono for a second time... blaise insisted that i teach myself photo silkscreening while my liver was failing.... because blaise told me to.... i did it. teaching is blaises life, he loves his students, and because of him, and his constant reminder that people around every corner are waiting for you to fail....
i am where i am today.

because of blaise, i am proud of what i have done and accomplished thus far, that i wouldnt have wanted anything else but to be one of his students,
to have known the man and for him to have had hope in me.

blaise sent em a e-mail two days ago,
he and his wife have invited me to be one of their hournable guests at their retierment dinner on june 5th. that as one of his outstanding students... he wishes for me to perpare a few words to speak at the dinner....
i read this and wanted ot cry a little. without blaise and van houten... i would be studying in acadamia in a subject i hate....
and becasue of them... i am on exchange. i am in switzerland because people like them believed in me....
and because of them, becasue im here,
my heart breaks a little when i think about how i wont be able to attend the dinner that evening.
i wish to go, to speak, to tell blaise and van houten what they have done for me,
but im 13000k away.

i always thought i woudl write them a note one day, tellign them everything....
maybe this is the time, to make a video and send it to them by way of surprise.... for them to have and watch at the dinner.
if i could be there, i would.
and because of them... i have now decided that i want nothing more then to be a teacher and be able to do for other young people as they did for me.

...eighteen

2008-05-09T06:46:00.003-04:00

maybe you recall me mentioning the previous swiss cultural celebration which occured in april (build a snowman, load it with explosives and light it on fire)
now...
i have experienced the next one... labour day.
im slowly getting the impression that the swiss make up random holidays... just to have another day off. they already have sunday off...WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT?
so, labour day fell on a thursday, in the middle of the week really... which resulted in nearly the whole country taking friday off as well...
okay, not the whole country.... but all of the stores i needed or facilities i needed on friday appeared to be closed.
Sandra invited me to join her at her fmaily BBQ... she told me stories of everyone before hand... i was so excited!
we arrived and she showed me the 200 year old house, i wish our houses looked like that in canada, theres so much more charicter to them.
her family was halarious and lovely. grandma was cute old short and precious...
somehow i found myself stuck in a never ending conversation that felt like a arguement at times...but wasnt intended to be...with some friend of the family!
sandras uncle spent about half an hour telling me (in broken english that wasnt bad at all ) about his family vacation to canada back in 1999! they flew to calgary, then got a motorhome and travelled the west coast of BC, up to prince rupert. he seemed to really like canada... and then he turned ot sandra and said... i dont think she understood a single thing i jsut told her!! hahaha, but i got everything.
we ate so much food, i ate things i woudl normally NEVER try, but hey... how ften am i at a swiss BBQ?
i even tried the corn and banana salad... which proved to be awful and tasta like banana penacillen i used ot have when i was little!
and the meat.... so delicious. so much... i tried everything except the mystery pasty meat looking loaf and the goat. or was it lamb... i dont remember.... i enduled in so much chicken that i didnt even care.
and then desert came.......oh goodness!
it was a rather good day.... i arrived home and ate a whole cucumber because my body just recieved a rather intence dose of BBQ meat therapy!!

since ive been pretty busy getting this chemical business in order... i havnt had much time to really enjoy the weather outside...actually, im sitting in the computer lab at school waiting for bruno to show up, if ever!

while in germany, i stocked up on cosmetic products... face and hair masks galore!
usually everyone goes home on the weekends except kevin sandra and i... so friday morning on my way out the door to school i yelled to kevin...
HEY, WANNA DO HAIR MASKA TOMORROW?
(kevin had been groiwing his hair for about 6 or 7 years) he looked at me and gave me a hummmmmm and then was like, "okay".
sweet i thought, that was the easiest it has ever been to convince a guy to do hair masks with me!
it was rather warm that day, maybe around 20ish...
kevin came home that evening around dinner time when it was still rather warm out, i was standing in my doorway when he walked in with a toque on.
i looked at him and was like... "why are you wearing that?" i paused, then screamed, "NO", "NO... YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.... WE WERE SUBPOSTO DO HAIR MASKS TOMORROW"
he laughed and ran upstairs to shake off the little hairs from teh hair salon.
i was so upset that he wasnt going to do masks with me!! turns out, he had actually had this hair appointment for a few days now to donate his hair... and he only agreed because he knew he wouldnt have hair to put in a mask the next day!
so kevin is bald now and looks like ben shaddick... i never saw that coming! the rest of the weekend kevin spent rubbing his head, everytime he touched it, i reminded him that it resembled a poodles shaved ass...
this then lead to his bugging me by abusing my hair! it was sunny on saturday, as i did my hairmask alone, he shaved the 2-3 mm on his scalp off... and later claimed that he got sunburn on his head...
it was clearly razor burn though!

and finally, in less then a week, two of my favorite people (marc-andre and brittney) will be leaving for europe on my birthday!!
i finally got to skype with marc to talk about the trip adn other business...
i love catchign up with him on skype... its the whole marc-andre experience... his mom even made a few apperances!!!
we were skyping outside when it started to get dark... so i turned my computer around to show mark a window wiht a light on....
this was naked asian mans room, his room is directlly across from mine, and every nigth he sits at his computer which is in front of the window... and hes naked. sometimes he playa music, liek the righious brothers!!
so i turned the computer around to show marc...
and as i was trying to point to the correct window marc says " hey, do i hear a door opening?"
i looked up and naked asian man (who had some clothign on this time) had just walked outside and saw me pointing....
OH GOD i thought... and marc was like, whats going on... so i quickly whispered the story of him being naked in the window all the time. he thougth it was halarious...
naked asian man was going just abotu to walk past me when marc started yelling
"NAKED ASIAN MAN", i hit mute as fast as i could... i have no idea if naked asian man actually heard it though...
marc continued to randomlly yell it... so i turned his volume down! hahaha
oh i cant wait for my visitors!

after talking to him, i started thinking about trish comign to europe, nad jason and his family...
then marc and brittney, maybe anto if he books his ticket!!! val and sarah.... AND TUZI!!! bless that woman, (shes afraid to fly alone, that the plain might make a wrong turn and she will end up in albania or something!!! i think shes just nervous though... shes never travelled alone before!... but shes comign to visit me for 10 fabulous days)
and i was thinking about how awesome it is that everyne is goign to europe this summer, and how jealous i felt that they were all going, and that they were all going ot have great times and see so much and do everything...
and then i got sad they were all doing this...
and then i realized what a retard i am,
im already in fucking europe. ha ha ha.
i forgot!

...seventeen

2008-05-07T08:01:00.002-04:00

i dot know what temperature it is in our corner of the world,

but in zurich, its nice. infact, ITS SUMMER TIME!

since my return from usti, i have been plotting to return.

my motives in the project for class has been slightly altered.

thus.... i have sent myself on a painful search for silver nitrate, tartaric acid and ferric ammonium citrate. This is what i have been doing for the last week and a half, chemical hunting is what i am now referring to it as!

I had most of my film from usti processed, and have been printing much of the colour pictures rather small, in the middle of the paper.... like i was doing in vancouver. but here im using smaller paper so that i can transport it home. the images are not for a real project to be presented just yet, but more so for myself to get a look at possible direction for this pesky grad project approaching next year!

the B&W negs i have of the decayed forest land have become the major focus for my 'pain' project for my praxis class....

thus, my search for chemicles! i have decided to print these images as van dykes... simple rite?

HA.

this is where my adventure begins-this is what has consumed the better part of the past week and a half [and most of my sleeping hours]. At ECI (which has now become a university, woooo! i mean, who wouldnt want to go to collage, and get a university degree for it?!?!) the lovely Jack or Geoffery drop everything they are doing to mix us spoiled kids chemicles.

well, geoffery yes.

and jack.... if hes back from break. or you can find him!

ive heard geoffery mention how much of a pain it is to mix these chemicles for the alternative processes lab, but i thought that he was just having a bad... every time he had to do it!

turns out.... these chemicals are a bitch!

i had mentioned that i might possibly print these ghost forests as van dykes. my class stared at me with confusion. this stare... i know rather well. its all too familliar in class, it usually means im talking to fast, or more commonly - they have no idea what im talking about and cant follow along with my train of thought. martin my teacher shook his head 'yes' and i assumed he knew what i was talking about - he used to teach at the san francisco art institute... thus, his english is excellent, he gets my sarcasm, awful cynical jokes... and random commentary.

So it was a done decision, all i needed was talk to Bruno ( the technician) who told me that if there is any photo material i need... i shoudl go to him. sounded easy,

so long as i could figure out what hours he was working and which week it was to know which work hours he was choosing for that week!

so it took me a rough few days to track him down, betweenhis hours scheduled on the door, to his random hair cut, to a unexplained closures - i found him.

i told him what i wanted to do, he had never heard of it. i told him the chemicals. he had no idea where to get them. and his english is awful... yet, much much better then my french!

so, i left with a hopless state of mind that i wouldnt be able to do this project. i returned the next day when his assistant was there. she too had never heard of it.

thus, i turned to the internet and found a company in MONTANA that markets van dyke kits!

the kit has enough chemicals ot produce 100 4x5 prints, and it was 30$ and 35$ for shipping overseas.

before settling for a sketchy photo kit from the internet... i thought i woudl try bruno one more time. this time.... he had no other work to do, and went to the back storage room. came back with a home made binder that looked like he had made 20 years ago, it was all in hand writing, and colour coded by pen! he said.... let me have a look in here and ill e-mail you tomorrow. hummm, promising - i thought!

i told him not to rush if something else came up, because i knew he was really going out of his way to find these chemicles...

so the next day came.... and went, then wednesday came and went. and no word from bruno.

the next day ( thursday) was may 1st, aka labour day in europe... aka EVERYTHING IS CLOSED DAY!

so, friday... i got to school and waited for bruno, .... 3pm rolled around and someone informed me that he had taken the day off because he wanted a 4 day weekend. great.

i figured bruno was avoiding me, and i set out for a alternative source for a chemical supplier!

mind you, i knew this would be difficult finding them on my own for many reasons... i dont speak german, and so many people have exhausted the "its for art" excuse that i was sure i would come off as ' suspishious'.

first, i went to the drug store - they coudl get me silver nitrate and tartaric acid, but not the third, they would have to order it and in MASSIVE quantities that were not in many mean practicle for me. the lady there suggested i go to the photo store down bahnhophstrasse. she said that whenever she sends anyone there... they never return because they always find what they are looking for there. this sounded promising, until i was on my third trek down the fucking bahnhophstrasse and found no photo store like she described. i then knew why no one ever returned after she sent them to the 'photo store' -CUZ SHES A FUCKING IDIOT THAT NO ONE WANTED TO DEAL WITH FOR A SECOND TIME.

in my angery state.. i hopped onto tram 2, and headed for a camera store i had seen in passing one day. i foudn it. went in. it was pure digital. i asked anyways.

the girl walked off to ask an associate... she came over and appeared to listen to what i was saying, but im pretty sure her english was worse then the first girls, and she gave me a look like i was an idiot and what i was saying didnt make sence, that these chemicals dont exist. and she said no. not in a rude tone, but a no as in... 'we dont want to deal with you - leave now'.

so i stayed.

and said 'no what?'

she shook her head and said no again. from the moment i walked in i knew they didnt have what i needed, and here i was arguing 'no'... i figured i would stay a moment longer and have a little fun with this! then the other girl magically had an idea to send me to langerstrasse.

great. the other side of zurich. for the third time that day.

so i went, but along the way... got a migrain, a fever and felt faintish. got on the tram... was feeling so ill that i just sat on the tram until the end of the line... then took it back and went home.

it was a awful day, my neck was stiff, i felt awful and this project looked like it was never going to happen.

i spent saturday mopping in the sun. and sunday... i spent e-mailing everyone with chemical access in zurich! i asked my housemates fi they knew of any chem hook ups through their friends, sent e-mails to the head of chemistry, pharasutical, bio-chem, organic chem at both ETH zurich and at the university of zurich. i figured that in all the e-mails i had sent... i woudl hear something back. (its been a week since i sent them all... and havent heard a thing! hahatear!)

i then thought about that kit form montana but instead i waited for bruno outside his office door monday morning.

he was there. i walked in, he said... ohhh the chemical girl, yes?

and i was like, 'yes, chemicals!!'

and he said...

this was the just of our conversation...

B - no one sells that here. but i have a friend.

Y -oh, does he sell it?

B - no.

i gave bruno a strange look of... then why did you tell me about your friend?

B - he has a photostore. he is there form 8am until noon.

bruno then pointed ot the website of the store his friend owns... the hours clearly said 08:00 until 17:00 open! i didnt question or argue this... it woudl have made more dialect confusion between us! bruno pointed at teh screen and said... he will help you, but go in the morning.

i was confused. but figured.. this is all i got rite now. i then asked him if he knew where i could get large transparency film... he motioned for me to follow him to the back.

he pointed to a box and said, you can have this, they sent it be accident and no one ever wants it, you can have it.

i looked at what it was.... it was a roll of Kodak Endura Transparency. and it was free... for me.

i told bruno i woudl google it and find out if i can use it... bu instead i called beau photo and asked kristabelle about it! she sent me a pdf and as it turns out...i now own a professional roll of transparency film that advertisers use for illuminated billboards...btu it is reccommended that it is printed in complete darkness... hummmmm?

but i ow this roll! i searched it online and found that its a rather costly produt to purchase. the roll is werth just less then 1100, only probelm - its expired. i had no idea digital stuff expired! meh, i still own it and am thinking of printing my veggie house documentary on it!

the next day was the beginning of a new class with Neo Flum, he was teaching studio in a ray lum style... not arnie style! neo is a rather good name to know, hes a sucessful photographer, making a shit load of cash in the business too... google him, hes werth it.

i sat throught he beginning of class with him, nad spoke to him on break. shit did he ever have perfect english... better then mine infact! he was a awesome guy, appeared to be rather perfessional in apperance and presentation but was great to have a conversation with. i told him what i had experience with already, he told me this migth be boring and that he didnt mind if i stayed or left....

so i left to find 'brunos friend' and his photography store!

i found it tucked away down a tiny street. it was so cute... and from outside..... i coudl see what was inside. i was so excited. finally....i had found the photography store i had been inquiring about since i arrived. this store was filled with photo chemicles, kits, and everthign glorious you coudl ever find at beau!

everyone always told me if i needed a chemicle, bruno woudl get it... if the other students only knew about this place,,, im sure there woudl be other works pumping out of he department other then digital and colour prints.

i walked in, and a old man with a neck brace appeared form the back.

he spoke english and knew i was coming! bruno had told him i would come and he knew exactly what i was after. aka no awkward translations necassary!

we chatted for a moment before he went to the back tog et the chemicals. i noticed a photo on the wall... it was probablly the best bromile print i had ever seen, i asked him about it...he had done it imself.

this lead to much discussion about awesome alternative processes and photo talk awhile the stiff man in the neck brace measured the chemicals. as it turns out... he doesnt sell these chemicals, he just has them for his own use. so she was goign to sell me some of his personal stash!

he then gave me his recipie for the process, which was different then the internet one i got and hte one randy bradly showed us. we talked some more,,, and before i knew it....

he was pouring the measured chemicals back into the original containers.

he said to me 'how long will you need this for' i said i will be done in a week or two, he siad... okay, you take all of it then. bring it back when your done and we will settle on a price.

i was astonished. this guy was giving me hundreds of dollers of chemicles... and said we woudl settle on a price when i bring them back.

i was so excited! i didnt know what to say! he said that he wouldnt be using them anytime soon ( and pointed to his neck brace!) and that i coudl use them. so i figured since he was so helpful ... maybe he woudl be able to tell me where i coudl get transparency fi.. since what bruno gave me wouldnt do.

the neck brace man went to the back and came out with a roll fo the exact transparency i needed and said... take this. i cant use it either.

so, i walked out of his shop with a roll of transparency, a jar of silver nitrate, tartaric acid and ferric ammonium citrate.

and thats when i decided that swiss people ARE the kindest people on the earth. i mean, im not just basing tha ton this one man, but its true. come. ill show you!

so this project... is going to work. i just need to photoshop the pics and get it printing. sure i dont have a window box... btu instead i went to ikea and got a cheap glass frame.... which works the exact same way! genious i am!

okay, im tired now.

i have more to say, btu im at school and the colour lab chemicals are getting to me.

PS. they have the worst ventalation ever here. i have to wear my resporator in the colour labs even...

and i still go home feeling like death!

sighhh, one more month of school, then eurocup, tuzi, marc and brit all arrive on the same day.

im so excited....

...sixteen

2008-04-26T05:37:00.004-04:00

ahhhh, i know, i know...
i havnt updated this business in such a long time....
ive been busy, occupied, out of town and bound in creative breakthrough... aka, my projects are really coming together and im getting a better direction as to where that pesky grad project might possibly be heading towards.
im sorry to be brief, but heres a quick re-cap of the things that i can remember since y last entry!
PS - mom just sent me my fixed digital camera from home, so now youll see pictures... also, he hasnt agreed yet, btu i will convince simon to come on a zurich tourist adventure with me, after he returned form rome... i experieced his 'camera eye', he probablly takes the worst tourist pictures EVER! but thats what makes the so awfully awesome! for exapmle... he taking a picture of a statue in a garden ended up being a photograph of a white toyota truck in perfect frame.... with some random statue head blending into the bushes in the background.... its probablly my favorite pictrue form his and kevins trip!
so soon, youll all see simons view of zurich!
i usually update my blogg while sitting in class, not knowing what they are saying, i sit there typing.... btu today, its saturday, the temp. outside is 21C (TOMORROW IS 22C) im sitting outside on my patio in pajamas, sunscreen and a tin foil tan reflector i made while kevin watched and laughed!.

so re-cap...

simon and i made a bet, he claimed that his cell was waterproof, i claimed otherwise,

soooo, he threw his cell into a bucket of water...

i figured that it would be broken for sure.. but for some reason,,, it still works,

thus i lost, and had to drink warm rivella. which surprisingly.... was delicious! rivella is some swiss beverage, they were fed it in the womb, they sweat b it, but no other country in the world will market such a product... its made from cheese juice, no joke! i hate the shit when its cold, but as a warm beverage... its strangl delicious!

the swiss welcome the summer and say goodbye of old man winter by celebrating the boogg.
this event inclides a weekend of festivities... cantons visiting, chanting, dancing, and excitment in the city! so the other sunday was the childrens of the event, which was celebrated by a parade through a small quarter of the downtown of zurich. monday was the big celebration, its a holiday... so everthing was closed again ( im beginning to think the swiss will do anything for a day off... they already have sunday off... what more could they want!?!?!) so monday, there was a rain/hail/thunder storm,, but i needed to experience this. it was probablly the most rediculous celebration i have ever experienced by a euripean culture...
the say goodbye to old man witer by building a snowman loaded with explosived, place him on a 15 m wood/dry grass platform, and set it on fire!
seriouslly.. who does this?!?! they say that the longer it takes for the head to explode... the longer it will be before spring arrives... it took a while for it to explode, so gossip on the strteets was that spring woudl never arrive...
well that was two weeks ago, and im outside nearly naked, tanning and my flesh is burning, i guess the exploding snowman as a weather forceasterisnt as reliable as they predicted it to be!
i dont remember if i mentioned hm before,, btu i guess i have now...
ive seen hima few more times seince then! we see each other ever time, but it always takes me about 5 minutes to realize where i know him from!... tbut he its too late to go back and talk ... maybe next time i see him...!
(seeing lou reed is on my list of things to do in life... im so excited!)

ive been a little pre-occupied these past few weeks planning and going on this excursion i just returned from.
last year in my drawing, writing & photography class...a book was passed aroudn the table with some short half a page article about northern checkslovakia... now known as czeck republic.
the short writing gave a brief introduction of a future crisis to become known to the world public. the concern of the area was the effects of pollution form all of the factories in the 60km region stretchng from the german, czech and polish boarder - knowen as "Europes Industreal Wastland", in the article i read, a young boy was quoted in a interview when asked when he thought the major problemin the area was... he responded by saying...
"problem? what problem?, the first problem we have to face and deal with is admitting the fact that we have a problem"
this to me spoke with more meaning then most other single quotes i had heart, i was intrreged
and for the past year, i have planned and studied the polluted area in the east, scouting every known fact i could find about it.
what i expected to find there was created by my imagiation, what was actually there... was something i wasnt prepared for.
what that young boy had said about having to admit there was a problem... i observed with am open eye the moment i entered the country.
i arrived in prague, last week...it was raininG like VANCOUVER! i had planned to spent the day and night in prague before heading north to Usti. while in town that day i bought some sweet red boots for 12 CDN!!!! such a kick ass deal! and as i walked back to my hostel to call it a early night ( i had planned ot leave for the north by 6am to get a full day of site scouting to prepare for the next day of shooting) i came across the museum of communism. i had to go in.
little did i know, going to this museum would help me with why this polluted area existed, the history of communism in czech republic, and what the hidden truth was behind behind the decaying enviroment in the north. i went through the museum seeing the cold facts that had been hidden from the rest of the world. amongst the collected pieces in the museum was facts of the enviromental wasteland which was the purpose of my visit to the country. I then watched a short video of the velvet revolution and the death of communism in the country - which intrduced me to the 'the plastic people of the universe', a prague band that formed shortly after the revolution occurred. this band was often banned form performences, and arrested as their lyrics protested against the attempts the country had to join the revolution and build their economy. their lyrics speak of the expense people in the north are paying as a result to the pollution. The forests in Northern bohemia were once some of the thickest-lush forests in europe, the cronicles of narnia were said to be based on the woods there.... all before communist success... polluting the region.
I travelled north to Usti nad Labem. when i arrived... i didnt have to look hard for any signs of pollution... directly ahead of me was a mountain, covered in the remains of what used to be a forest. I walked through the town, and found that not a person there spoke english, it was sunday... stores were open, but that meant nothing, i had no way of communicating with anyone.i had no map of the area, no internet... just some screen shots i had taken of the region form google earth! there were roads and factories marked... i could see where i wanted/needed to go. No one sold 120 film, so i held off shooting that first say, i needed to use my 9 rolls wisely! The next day i returned... still with no map, only my google earth shots!
as i traveled amungst these small villages, i noticed massive piplines connecting them together, i followed one witht he hopes of taking pictures of it.
i then found myself in the third world. in the most unwelcoming place i have been. i was alone. i was in a gypsy village. i was white. and was soon given the cold impression that i shouldnt be there. i knew i needed a few shots, just a few.
i got out of the car, and caught the attention of everyone.
the few cars that were there had no seats, no windows, holes in the sides of the cars...
and there i was. with a shiny gold car. i was clearly an outsider, and very visable.
i had intedned to take photos of the people, and their houses, yet i was approached by a woman, she stood rather close, never spoke a word, but i continued to pretend that i was pointing my camera upwards takign a pictues of the pipeline.
i was not there to expose them, i was there to document the termoil the pollution was having on the people, and the enviroment. but i had no way of communicating this to her. thus i took 3 or 4 photos and tried to find my way out of the ghetto. i didnt turn back the same way i came... i took what i thought was a diret route out,, but instead it only lead me past poor povern children playing in the streets, abandoned brick buildings which these people were living in, holes in the walls, garbage everywhere.... all accompanied by a thick odor in the air.
i left, and knew i would need to return. but with a completely different approach.
i then travelled elsewhere where i had to climb a slight mountain to get to a small protion of what was left of a forest atop of a hill/mountain. my hands and nails were destroyed, but werth the images i got at the top.
i sat in a grassy meadow for a while, looking at how peaceful this place looked, but i knew that just 10 m below the surface was endless amounts of lignite ( a geographically younger coal that is dirty, cheap and abundant here), that the drinking water here was filled hazardess chemicles that no being should consume, that these people looked older then their are because of the constant exposure they have had their whole lives, that as hard as they might try, there was no way out for them, that this was their lives, they had no hope to survive elsewhere. this was their life. this was as good as it would get.
and i sat there.
i thought about my project, what i was doing there. what my initial focus was, and i knew i would have to return. I was in the industreal basin for a day and a half - exposure of toxic air got the best of me. i found myself ill with a migraine, and that sickening helpless feeling you feel when you become sensatised to darkroom chemicles. I shot my film, colour and B&W. btu i know i need to return.
I then boarded my night train to krakow... but the idiot who gave me my bookings in german fucked up big time. she gave me a ticket from dresden to prague. then some random place in slovakia to katowice, then katowice to krakow.
i boarded what should have been my train in prague... but then was yelled at by a angry slovac man. this is when i realized the retard in germany forgot to book me a ticket form prague to the random place in slovakia.... I NEVER EVEN KNEW I WAS GOING TO SLOVAKIA IN THE FIRST PLACE. so at 530am... the angry man looked at this print off that i got in prague. he circled a village/stop pointed to it, then to me and said
"OUT- THIS STOP"
i was in no position to argue... i then looked at the stop he circled... it was the one i needed to get out at anyways to connect to the train going to katowice!
so, i found myself in slovakia, surrounded by drunken homeless slovaks and turks at 530 in the morning.... so not a awesome thing, i so tired from not sleeping on the over night train!
i caught the next train to krakow and was releaved to enter poland - EVERYONE SPEAKS ENGLISH!
i bought pickles to bring back to switzerland!
i like krakow, i first visited the city 2 years ago.... i woudl go back again and again, any day.
i boarded the bus to aushwitz, and it started to rain....
i made it inside this time.
i walked in and found the famous gate everyone knows of "work will set you free", tourist groups kept comign and going... and finally as i got my key window, no one in the way.... some ass ran up and insisted that i takea pic of him there without ppl in the back.... i was like umm after i get my own shots... at which point, this other man ran upside me and started taking pictures of it as well.
he turned to me and saw i was shooting with my blad, he complemented it! we started talking, and it turns out he was an american photographer named Barry Antler from california. he gave me his blogg site, which i have yet to check out! it was nice to run into him thought, we chatted about our experiences travelling, camera business, formats, i told him what i had jsut been shooting in usti and he told me that he was lookign to find a small village in a remote eastern european area where he could spend 6 months, shotting 4x5 B&W documenting everythig there.
this got me thinking.... maybe one day - ill have the inspiration to do the same, after all this is what blaise did.... and he turned out okay, rite?!?! hahaha
i found block 11.
it is between block 10 and block 11 that the death wall is located,
block 11 was the experiment block, where death was tested. i entered, and felt very uncomfortable realizing i was alone it he building. i then hurried to a room where i had heard a few people... i kinda stuck with them as we walked through the building. Along the halls were portraits of young and old men, those that were experimented on, tortured, or were starved because they were involved in mutinies, helping others escape or communicating with the outside world. By the time i had passed through he first hall, i broke.
in every one of those men on the wall, i saw someone i knew. their physical features were all to familiar to people i know, i left. never made it to the second camp, the bigger one the nazis build after they formed economical ways of exterminating jews, pols and slovacs.
i returned to krakow for the night, caught a early train to prague in the morning and my flight back to zurich that evening.
physically and emotionally drained.... i made it home. knowing i would have to return.

looking at my calender now, ill be returning to usti either this weekend or in two weeks,
it will be a quick trip, btu i will be appropreatly prepared this time. i will return with images for the people in the village, in hopes that they allow me to make photographs of them and where they live.
ive returned now, im safe, and fully appreciate the fact that my roommates have good hygene! were always told that we dont realize how lucky we are to live in a first world country...
but until you see the other worlds, you could never fully understand what that means.

...fifteen

2008-04-09T04:12:00.002-04:00

i guess i forgot about this blog business for a few too many days now!

so heres a quick update in of the weekend.

on friday, i showed up to class... this teacher spoke very little english and by first smoke break... i asked if it would be okay if i excused myself to go and take photos because the weather was nice...

but really i was leaving early to help wilma and peter pack and move to their new flat!

i asked the teacher if there was anything i should prepare for the following class,

he said yes and through a rough 10 minutes of conversing... i understood that i was to make a photo of a crowd of people, and for each person i was to prepare what they saw, and write a dialogue for them... okay i thought! i knew that snowman bogg burning holiday is happening this coming monday, so i will take my pic there!

(im in class now, and i was just asking a classmate about this assignment.... turns out the teacher gave me a DIFFERENT photos and DIFFERENT assignment then the rest of the class.....

this. would. happen. to. me. )

it took a good portion of the afternoon to move peter and wilmas stuff to the truck...

all of us movers were ready to go and buckled in kevins car... when peter walked over holding half a key which broke off in the egnition!

everyone gathered around the truck....

kevin and i staying in the car for a few extra moments to laugh!

overall moving was fun, and the next day sandra moved in :)

i ventured to ikea to pick up supplies for one of my projects... only to be dissapointed by the available frames and the shitty lights....

i came home and heated up a brick of cheese for dinner in distress!

its okay now, i have a solution to this frame & light issue! i just have to do it now!

i had no class on monday, but i did have this random urge to bake a cheesecake...

i went to the grocery store .... walked around and picked up everythign i needed... but wasnt sure on a few things i had picked up, i didnt know if it was what i had hoped i picked up!

soi put it all back and thought of making chocolate banana cake... got all that stuff.....

but then realized i needed to get real groceries for things like breakfast, lunch and dinner...

so i then realized what time it was! i had left the house between 1:30 and 2..... and it was just after 4 pm. hahaah i had been in the grocery store for at lest 2 hours...

i just couldnt decided if i wanted the baby potatos or the big ones!

at least i had a good time grocery shopping! maybe if i bored, ill ask my roommates if i can go grocery shopping for them... they just cant expect em to return within a reasonable amount of time in order for them to have time to prepare dinner!

i have decided that tuesday is my favorite day of the week.

sometimes i have class... but most of the time i just go on photo adventures. as in polaroid adventures... i spend the whole day taking one photo!

yes one! bus its always a good one, i promise!

but tuesday is also cinema night at ETH... which always seems to be a challenge for me to get to.

it always seems that when i get to orlikon, the 10 tram leaves....

alwasy happens, im 1 foot away... and it pulls away.

ive even come so close as ot press the button..... as it pulls away.

but last evening.... was by far the most challening journey to get to ETH!

i hopped on the 80 bus from my house to the station... thought it would save time since the bus was rite outside my door as i walked out!

grabbed a coffee and saw the 10..... i ran.

i thought, there is no way this trams getting away from me this time...

i even ran in front of it, so that it couldnt move... cuz lets face it, no one wants hitting a person on the street on their conscience!!!

so i got to the door... ( the tram was still not moving)

i pressed the button. ( it illuminated) (tram still not moving)

nothing happened.

i pressed it again....

nothing happened.

there was a pause of a possible 20 seconds ( which seemed like forever)

.... and then the tram left.

WITHOUT ME.

DAMMIT!

so i must be cursed with this 10 tram, were now ex-bff's!!!

so i waited 10 minutes for the next one.

got on! ( yes the doors opened for me this time!)

aaaaaaand by the second stop, an announcement was made.

i heard it, but didnt know what was being said....

until everyone on the tram exited... and i thought FUCK ME.

another delay.

another 10 came and picked us all up. it was just after seven at this point, and the film would be starting soon.

i figured i would miss the beginning or some other delay would occur on the way there...

but instead,

ONLY THE BEST THING EVER HAPPENED!

we pulled up to this stop, across the tracks was a man standing there.

this man looked like old man winter, or santa clause if you will!

no joke!

i looked out the window at this man with a full grey beard, a toque, long winter coat, black military style boots, and a face with many stories to tell.

he wasnt homeless.... eh was well kept, and he carried with him a large sac! he had it in one of those old lady carts.... the ones they take grocery shopping (hum, i should get one of those, my school has no lockers and im constantly lugging a 100 pounds of shit back and forth from school!)

i looked at him and smiled for a while. i loved the thought that he could be father christmas, and then i realized what makes my imagination different from others.

all those "what ifs" that people think....

i somehow forget that they are not real... and i imagine the possablity of it being true... and i imagine a world and character around the 'what if'.

so as i saw father christmas standing at the bus stop... i thought to myself, this is the kind of man who people look at and write a song or poem or ditty about.

and as i kept looking at him, i felt sad...

my heart broke a little, he looked lost, like he didnt know his way north,

that he had missed his flight home and felt like a outsidder...

poor santa,

i hope someone else saw him, and someone else made a story for him as i did!

i got to ETH finally,

i wasnt late.... i dont know how!!

the film was a documentary, it was in swiss german.

i understood not a word.

but i still cried at the end.

it was called chrigu. you should watch it.

...fourteen

2008-04-02T08:31:00.002-04:00

this morning was strange.

i woke, at 730, got out of bed.

i walked into the washroom ( we have a washroom with a toilet, and a shower room - they are different!) and began to undress.

then i realized where i was, and didnt know what i was doing.

i went to the shower, got in and half way through i freaked out in my head thinking that i forgot to take my talking watch off.

but i wasnt even wearing it.

my heart was pounding and i was in a state of panic.

i figured the rest of the day would be this awful.

i didnt sleep last night, and now my head hurts. it kinda sucks, cuz today is beautifully overcast and perfect for my lake pictures, but my head hurts to much, i tried napping... but my body wont let me nap.

its peters birthday today, i tried to make cupcakes...

they are awful, seriously awful, if they wernt so colourful,,, i would feel real bad!

we were both heading to school at the same time, and road the bus together... i was super early so we parted ways, he went to his building, i was going to go get some migro juice!

about 70 meters away from me, i caught the eye of a guy standing with his 3 or 4 friends.

he pointed and laughed..., smaked his buddy on the shoulder and pointed at me again.. he to began to laugh.... and soon the two girls they were with all had turned and lauged at me.

at first i thouht.. me, maybe its someone else... but then as i walked closer, their eyes and faces followed.

i saw them, i made eye contact, i want going to hide the fact that i coudl see them laughing at me.

but then they didnt realize i was was crossing the street to where they were standing.

as i got close they stopped, and tryed to look away... but it was obvious. i just smiled back and shook my head.

IM NOT EVEN DRESSED IN BRIGHT COLOUR TODAY, WHYYYY?

this is getting old now,

i get the point that maybe i appear a bit different, and im getting the impression that people dont want to be seen with me in public.

if i were in queesnville, newmarket, toronto, vancouver or where ever... i know that my friends there would be proud to be seen with me, they woudl hold my hand, we could sing aloud... adn feel comfortable in our skin.

maybe i look and dress a bit different, if they only knew what one woudl thik of the way they dress in my country... they would shut the fuck up. the difference is, in my country... they wouldnt be laughed at, they wouldnt be categorized and targeted like i see in the youth here.

why should it matter?

normally i wouldnt give a shit, if i did.... i wouldnt still be here, i would have left. for some reason this is getting to me today.

i feel like sonny and cher today,

"why cant i be like any guy

why do they try and make me run

son of a gun

now what do they care

about the clothes i wear

why get their kicks from making fun

yeah this worlds got a lot of space

and if they dont like my face

it aint me that going any where, no

so i dont care

then laugh at me

if thats fair

i have to beg to be free

then baby laugh at me

and ill cry for you

and ill pray for you....."

hey, if anyone wants to help me out and give me some sort, or any feedback as to what the hell im doing with my project... check the comments on post ... thirteen.

i wrote what the project is in responce to jeff comment.

also, i noticed jeff posted what the music of his youth is...

whats yours?

im curious....

everyone, i wish to know what you listened to as a teenage.

dont be shy...do it!

im hoping to convince someoen t coem see the backstreet boys with me in a few weeks... so dont be ashamed of who yo listened to! funny thing is i never started listening to BSB until the past recent years... i love singing bad songs in the car!

...thirteen

2008-04-01T17:48:00.003-04:00

i was once told (by a being of respectable insight to me) that the music you listen to in your youth is that which defines you.

he later explained how one becomes bound in a genre that reflects the experiences unique to onself, whether it be emotional, physical or influenced form family members - that the music we listen to in our teens (the years you 'find' yourself, and become the 'man/woman' within you) defines the inner being of ourselves.

that we might not be able to recognize that trend and or connection between our youthful years and the music we listened to until later on.

that one day when you return to those old mix tapes you had in our parents car,

you will hear those songs, and you will know all the lyrics.

you might have forgotten to do a simple task that morning, such as feeding the cat. but you will remember the lyrics of 'that' song when you hear the beat.

hearing a song can resurface old memories, feelings, emotions and expressions. this is something everyone is simply aware of....

but how is it that our memories of something good or bad can easily be bound within a few simple words and the sounds of anothers voice? afterall YOU never wrote the words, yet you claim that the lyrics... are 'exactlly' what you are thinking, that you could have said it just as well.

yes, this blogg entry is rather random form the others thus far. but i have intent. i promise you that.

the past 72 hours have been rather.... ( i have no word to describe it, strange is not enough, challenging isnt it, painfull is too negative, emotional - yes... but not the rite word cuz im not going emo)

ill just say that the past 72 hours have allowed me the chance and opportunity to clearly think, observe, conclude, space out and reflect on the past 10 years of my life.

i shoud have cried more.

i deserved to cry more. i didnt then.

and feel that in not doing so only justified what i have now realized in the past hours.

i bought my bike on saturday. on sunday bike and i travelled half the distance of lake zurich (we checked the map when i returned home... i took the train home though!!!! i was exhausted and my legs felt like rubber!) i got to thinking about this project i have,

it started out as 'pain', my thought process has allowed me to adapt my own theories into what this project is becoming.

i really need to talk about this project... i kinda feel like everthing i have worked for within it (theory wise) is actually becoming a reflection of 'my story',

the one i have avoided telling to myself and others for so long.

i began writing it down the other day... i always thought i had nothing to hide, but now... im not ready for everyone to know.

like i said... i need to talk this project out loud to someone. i need my shaniquwa/ black-black to listen to this and remind me where im going with it. the inability to communicate with the other students has effected me very little thus far... buts heres where the shit begins to hit the fan.

at ECIAD, class discussion and critiques are you you leave the class crying insdie, but tis for the good. its how you learn.

at ZHdK, i havnt the opportunity to do so with the students. i can sign up with faculty to discuss my projects...

but i have also become very aware that over the past few years... the order in which i present my word appears to be rathered structured, defined, directed with a confident outlook as to a promising final product... and thus, the common feedback i recieved is....' i like where your going, keep going with it'.

only once has someone taken that extra foot out and given me a directions... how i miss chris's class...

phill smith would be proud of the direction of this project thus far... im pretty much re-teaching myself everything he taught us in english 101!

the teacher told me last week that my approach to this project is very different form the other students.

that they are working with images to work out their projects, and im therosizing first, and developing a structure. im afraid that because im working differently... it would be hard of these students to be able to jump into my mind frame and fully understand this process im creating. shit i need a ECIAD kid rite about now.

i went for thatbike ride on sunday, my 72 hours all started then...

i was upset yesterday because of a few words and their intent directed at me.

i felt as a drifter in the crowded streets today, and this evening... i was challenged by the same words from the previous day - but from a different being.

in all of this, i had my ipod on shuffle.

every song seemed to remind me of my youth,

whether it be a smell, a feeling, a pain, a sensation, so many moments have rushed past me these past hours leaving nothing less then a breath and a sorrow to regret not letting the tears happen.

i like the smell of this city. it remindes me of home.

the salty smell of the water in vancouver always made me uneasy, as it could never compare to the value of the fresh watered lake i spent most of my childhood summer months around.

i havnt smelt that smell i years. but i remembered it today.

i heard a song, and i sat by the fresh water lake. i thought it to be the most beautiful day here.

it was overcast, a bit windy... but it was much more then that.

that old music form my youth has been calling back to me form a secret place.

i remember the music from my teenage years as if it were only moments ago i last heard it.

as my friends listened to hits 103.5, or kiss fm, q107, their parents old albums or whatever was new and electrifying,

i had my 3 hours of retro innovators every sunday night being played at club joe.

and my one hour of "the ongoing history of new music".

i remember the song i had been listening to when alan cross's episode with the music of our youth mentioned in it.

i thought about it at that moment and knew that none of my friends were listening to the song i was hearing.

i also thought about how every time we would be going on a road trip someplace... a song suggestion by me would often induce a hefty debate over who contributed more to the history of music, the rolling stones or the velvet underground. ( i was always out numbered)

ill never forget the first time i hear 'pale blue eyes'

maybe it was the story of what happened with the VU that night lou got on stage, how their gear van had been broken into before the gig and everything was taken, how they used another bands gear that night and made instruments to put on a show. they were there for the crowd.

or maybe ill never forget it because it made me feel a certain way, gave me a glimpse of something greater... it was only a small feeling, but it was what i needed to make me believe there was a greater something waiting.

i love the original track, ive searched for a satisfying live version by reed,

but he never hits the notes that i need to hear him cry.

i found this video,

its a boy, his guitar and the song i love most.

(PS, his kitty walks around in the background!!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28VQUjclnmM

***************************************************

the same music man that told me i would find answers in the music form my youth once told me something else.

that each persons brain sings a different song.

that the brainwaves your brain produces through the day has a beat,

everyones beat is different.

and somehow somewhere, someone has come up with a device to record human brainwaves.

sleep doctors take an individuals brainwave recording and loop it on CD's for patients with insomnia.

it appears that those with problems falling asleep usually have troubles clearing their mind in those last moments of consciousness. having the opportunity to listen to the slight rhythm of your own brain allows one to fall alseep quicker and more deeply.

its called brain wave therapy.... google it, its rather fascinating.

...twelve

2008-03-28T07:32:00.002-04:00

this is a post for any and all of you who have been harassing me to know about these swiss roommates of mine...

since there are seven of us living at Rebhusliweg 1d, (soon two will leave, and ill have two sandra's to write about.... once they arrive!)

first, ill start with peter...

peter will recieve no introduction from me...

he has done this for himself in a responce to my "...elevin" posting!

"Peter Gassner said...

just dont blame it on the swiss that you get approached by strange people all the time! it happened to me too - in canada... like the old lady i asked for directions that almost hit me with her handbag! or the begger that jumped out from behind a house to fall on the street in front of me pretending he had a heart attack and needed medication, quick! or the bald father of five who wanted to give me a blowjob in stanley park (how was i to know this was the gay part of the woods - its a family park afterall, right?!). we poor travelers:)"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA,

i first read his responce late at night after all had gone to bed. i nearly died laughing! i wish you could all meet peter. knowing his passive personality and the tone of voice he uses... hearing him say this would be priceless.

after almost being hit with a bag, being harassed by a bald man in the woods and a homeless man trying to get drugs...QUICK, i could imagine peter standing on the street corner with the facial expression of ..."why me?"

peter has been to canada a couple times now, he loved brandon manitobia.

yupp, brandon manitobia!

dont feel bad you dont know where it is, no canadian ever goes there unless you have family there, or family one town over... like i do! so when he said he had been there.... i didnt know why anyone woudl plan a holiday destination there.... ever! ( i think he was visiting someone he knew there!)

he loves the jerico beach hostel, and lived off megabite for a couple weeks while he visited vancouver. he tells me that back in the day, megabite was $1. (but now... its $1.50!)

Peter is in interactive design at ZHdK ( my school!), hes currently working on his thesis which is a textile touch screen. I cant wait to see the grad show, but before this happens... peter needs to make his project work! he has a countdown.... 8 more weeks!

i told him that when the show rolls around, i will convince the other roommates to wear neon with me to the opening. that we would write 'im with peter' and/or "this way to peters work" with peters face printed on the shirts of corse!

FREINDS ARE THE BEST FREE ADVERTISING!!!

peter also has a bad memory, which works out to everyones benifit sometimes! like last weekend was easter, and i had secretly planned to surprise everyone with chocolate in the morning, but as we had decided to watch juno... peter came to my room to get the movie off my computer... AND SAW ALL THE CHOCOLATE!

i screamed.

which aught all the other roommates attention... they all became very curious as to what was going on. i closed the door quick and tell him to not tell anyone, that it was a easter surprise.

and because my bedroom is on the ground floor... the others who were curious to know what i had been screaming about were guick to run outside and peek through my patio doors to see what was going on. to bad im more clever then they are sneaks.. we shut the light off and they couldnt see the chocolate.

peter promised not to tell anyone....

but actually, he forgot by morning!

and everyone was surprised! infact...theres still chocolate laying around the house!

(sunday - wilma peter and i attempted to kill the big easter bunny, but by dinner we felt sick...and the bunny lived a little longer!)

i have a story that peter told me about his travells in canada (he likes the place, all the land! but doesnt like the flat part... aka manitobia, saskatchewan and alberta!)

mind you, he tells the story much better then i do...

but for those of you in vancouver reading this... the signifigance of knowing who lives in stanley park is what makes this halarious!.

when peter was 20, he stayed in vancouver for a while. one day he had decided to pack a lunch and have a pic-nik in the deep forests in the downtown part of vancouver! so he went to stanley park (the deep downtown woods!) and went into the forest to explore nature and eat! little did he know, he was in the gay part of the forest - popular to men with gay fetish's, gay fantacies.... and european tourists!

so, as peter gazed around at the beautiful forests, a bald man with a family of 5 approached him.

he said hello, and friendly peter said hello back. the man heard he had a european accent and asked where he was from. peter said he was from switzerland.

the bald man responded by saying "ohhh, your swiss?!?!, you know... the swiss are 'well equipt' ".

and peter standing there in his fancy hiking equipment (complete MEC grear!) thought this bald man was referring to his quick dry pants, hiking boots, back-pac microfiber jacket, etc. said, 'oh, thank you' (still thinking the man was complementing his hiking gear.... which he felt was necessary to take on a pic-nik lunch in the middle of the city!!!)

then the man grabbed his crotch....

and peter understood what the man meant by "the swiss are well equipt!" ahahah

(mind you all, i was first told this story while we were at sunday brunch on the street in the sun..... i had to hold back my tears from laughing, im surprised i didnt choke on the food!)

the bald man then offered peter a blowjob...

hahahahaaha i would have loved to have seen his face as he realized where he was and what was going on!

peter said no, and unlike most people.... he stayed to chat with the bald man in stanley park!

the man then informed him that he was in the gay area of the park!

hahaa i love the fact that peter stayed and made friends with the awkward man! ahahaha

(everytime i think of this story, i remember diane evans assigning us that stanley park project last spring, and constantlly reminding us NOT TO GO INTO THE FOREST... and if we did... TAKE SOMEONE WITH US, that the forest was dangerous and the people in there are not friendly! hahaha ohhh peter!!! ahahahaha)

Peter lives in the basement of our living residence. he is dating wilma, who also lives in the basement!

since i moved in, i have made up nik-names for each roommate, the names are descriptive and give a briefing to who they are!

so peter is...

"Peter the swiss hippie who lives in the basement, who eats chocolate cake and is dating wilma"!!!

infact, peter liked canada so much, that he brought wilma back there with him!

while she didnt experince the same happening in stanley park as peter did... they did attempt to go camping in the mountains. at some point during their trip... peter and wilma thought they heard a bear (it was probablly just some raccoons in the trash!!!), so naturally they were terrified and ran.

the funny part - peter ran faster then wilma, he grabbed the car keys... to to the car before her... got in.... and locked her out!

ahahaha what a gentleman!

ahahahah once again, i wish you all knew wilma and peter. i wish you could all imagine seeing this happen! hahahaah

what else can i say about peter...

he goes to art school but says hes not an artist. hes a designer!

(but he sure remindes me of the art students at ECIAD!)

peter and wilma are moving into a flat of their own in just over a week. ill be helping them move... okay, ill be trying to help them move. the smaller stuff... kevin will take the big stuff... like everything but the plants!

(peter, if you read this... im sorry if i embarassed you! i thought these stories were halarious!)

so there you have it, 1 of 6 roommates!

please stay tuned to hear about

"Wilma - the swiss girl who plays with rocks, bakes chocolate cake, drinks milk and is dating peter!"

"Lisa - the swiss girl who lives above me and i see twice a week!" (PS, lisas birthday is coming up, were having a romans from outer space theme!)

"Kevin - the german who eats more cheese then humanly lethal and watches strange B. movies from the 80's!"

"Simon - the swiss boy that climbs a mountain everyday, eats chocolate and has a gun under his bed!"

"Jan(ice) - the angry german who went to yemen, who cares about nothing in this world. at all."

soon, there will be a sandra #1 and sandra #2.

sandra #1 is blonde, and sandra #2 is a brunette....

i will be sharing a washroom with both of them....

why does this always happen?that i always get paired up with two ppl. with alike names? anyone remember last summer.... at northland gardens... 'yvonne & the lauras?' (BOTH OF WHICH HAD THE SAME INITIALS.... L.M.! )

so now its yvonne and the sandras.

im going to get so confused...

suns out today, its 9.

tomorrow its sunny and 11, sunday - sunny and 17.

PICTURE TIME!

...eleven

2008-03-23T13:19:00.003-04:00

first, HOORAY for no shower day!

and hooray for 2L tetra packs of Migros Juice.

and hooray for delicious tasting mustard and murdering chocolate easter bunnies early in the morning before the roommates have woken...

and most of all, HOORAY FOR GOING TO SEE SAM TOMORROW!

k, so im a slacker, when i rememebr to write in my blogg... im not near the coputer, or when im near the computer, im too busy watching rediculous 90 shows. yeah, ive been catching up on my Beverly Hills 90210, Baywatch, and Night Rider watching, and actually, david hasselhoff was freaking hot back in the day.

and no, no, i would not get in his car...

so schools been.... well, i have class it seems once a week. after being angry the other week in my studio class, i decided i wasnt gonna sit around and "learn how to use the camera" the whole term, there isnt any actual project assigned (as far as i know), he just wants to see that he have used it, if ray lum were here... these kids would be crying.

so i decided im gonna start some still life series in m bedroom, my room is all white, so it makes nice for soft neutral toned images. This idea of images has lead me to adventure through zurich to find the thrift stores. peter gave me a list of a few... finding them was another issue! one is called the Brokenhaus ( i read this and thought he was sending me to a homeless shelter!), he said "you cant miss it", so when someone tells me this.... i expect glowing signs, horns and whistles directing me - so that i actually wont miss it.

so i stood there, followed josepfstrasse and stood where it should have been...

and seriouslly, 5 minutes after standing tere i looked up and realized why he said "you cant miss it" ... it was a 4 floored BRIGHT PINK BUILDING WITH THE WRITING "BROKENHAUS" on the side! i guess it was to obvious?? btu i foudn it, and found some sweet gems of a find!,

next i had to get to school to get the 4x5.

sounded simple enough, i had timed my daily errans according to the operation hours of Brunos AV department. 2pm - that was when they told me (the week before) AV opens in the afternoon.

ahemm, NO. they changed their hours, to the most rediculous unrealistic hours knowen to existance, for real, im not even kidding about that, not even exaggerating. when i read the hours on the door, i was so pissed and couldnt understand how or WHO would allow the equipment providor for the department to be open daily form 9am-9:30am, 11am-12, and then form 3pm to 4pm. seriouslly, WTF???

so i went home. kevin was here, he laughed at me for being angry with the hours of AV. which then lead to a discussion about how rediculous switzerland is with their business hours. the swiss wake early - on average before7/7:30 they are dressed and ready to start the day... TO BAD THEY CANT, BECAUSE NOTHING OPENS UNTIL AT LEAST 10AM.

and they places close daily at 6, retail closes at 8, AND SUNDAYS......IM STILL NOT OVER THE BEING CLOSED ON SUNDAY BUSINESS..... oh switzerland, i love you! your my favorite! (heart.)

so i went back to ZHdK, to get the camera from Bruno. k, so a 4x5 isnt a light camera, ive carried them form eciad to 10th & cambie a number of times. but this sinar - comes with extra bellows, lenses, rods, plates...and other business i would never use. bruno lets me pick a tripod, and gives me a tripod bag ( SWEET!) and i ask for a light meter. .....and then he brings me a small trolly to put it all onto. i asked what it was for, he said so i didnt have to carry it to the studio ( which is actually 3 doors down the hall, how weak did he think i was?) i said that i was taking it home, he looked at me and said... its heavy, i said i know. he said.... the tripods heavy, i said yes, i have practiced balancing cameras and tripods before. he looked at me and smiled. i smiled back. he asked me again if i was sure i wanted this camera, i said yes. and in the pose of a question he repeated, 'and your going to take this home with you". i knodded my head! he smiled! i got the impressiont that students dont take the 4x5 outside often... or maybe he thought that i wouldnt have the ambition to do so. little did he know i had planned to cart this bitch of a beast camera up into the hills just outside zurich, to take pictues of the fields. he closed the case and passed me the box, i asked if he needed to scan my card, if i had to sign something? he was like, nope, i know you now, your the canadian girl who only speaks english, and i looked at him and said 'you dont need to write down what im taking', and he was liek, nope, i know you.

i smiled and was like meh, okay! not that i would do anything to the camera, but how did he know he could trust me?

i then thought back to the previous week when i was in AV and someone else was getting film from Bruno (students get all supplies from bruno) the way the system works is you pay 800CHF at the beginning of the term, this credit is applied to your account and as you get supplies, costs are deducted-sounds like a solid idea, rite? i then watched bruno work "his system"! on a scrap piece of paper he found on the counter behind him he wrote... "name and 5 films", and then tossed it into a small box which was filled with about another hundred tiny pieces of paper with random writings on them! i have no idea how this man can stay organized that way, im sure his budget is NEVER accurate! but you can tell he loves the students and jsut wants to make them happy! he knows i dont speak german, so he just smiles to me in the halls, i went to ask him about buying fiber paper... he didnt know enough english words to talk to me about it... so he gave me the illford buyers manuel! i can get a roll of heavy weight galleria matte paper 10 meters by 127cm for $156, such a good deal- such a big smile came over my face! and a roll of fuji matte colour paper (same dimentions) $160. supplies here are so cheap, i love it!

so i carted my gear home...IN THE RAIN, so fun!

ive had the 4x5 set up in my room in the corner for about a week now. i like how it fills the room, kinda like a plant would! but this is so much more beautiful! who needs bedroom furniture when you have a large format camera?

so, ive been adventuring to all the brokenhauses in zurich to find awesome still life stuff... kevin now wants me to give him a tour of zurich ( kevin is from german and has lived here for 2 years... u have been here just over a month and have seen more then he has!)

i have found my favorite thrift store in the world, along the 4 bus line along the east banks of lake zurich. its run by what looks like some old hippies, but inside it smells nice and everything is placed on shelfs as if your in grandmas house, it doesnt look like a store, it just looks like your shopping in babcias house! everything has a place, there are tiny nooks and large closet sized rooms designated for specfic things, hats has its own little room! i lvoe this place, i want ot go back and take pictures of it!

i got my practicle stuff form pictures and then walked to the cash, ONLY TO FIND THE GREATEST KNITTED MONKEY EVER! it was 3 CHF, WHICH NO ONE SHOULD HAVE PAIED FOR IT, BUT I HAD TO GET IT!

he/she now hangs in our kitchen,

the roommates have named him/her Dildarno, like the guy from Barbarella!

hes awesome.

so amungst exploring zurich, i guess locals/strangers have somehow decided that i look like i am from here ( mind you, as i sit at the limmetplats waiting for my bus everyday, the polizie doing their drive by rounds always stop to stair at me while im sitting there. i smile back, (which i guess is suspicious!) and then they all stair at me, i usually have my sunglasses on so i stair back. everytime this happens, i secretly hope they get out and approach me... i woudl love for this to happen, as im sitting waiting for my bus , doing nothing, minding my own business every time, but because i dress in brighter colours then the monotoned earth coloured dressed people around me... i stand out!, the limmetplatz is also in the red light district and some 'ladies of the street' hang around there.... and NO, im not dressed like a prostetute, so really, theres no reason the cops should bother talking to me.

so, two days ago, im standing at my bus stop wiht music on, and a street girl somes up to me and starts to ask me something, me being a broken recond says, im sorry, i dont speak any german. she gives me a look and walks to a middle aged woman, says somethign to her points at me and they both stair. "shit" i think, i didnt do anything and somethings going on. the street girl walks past me again and yells something at me which catches everyone at teh bus stops attention... and everyone looks at me. i was so uncomfortable, and everyone kept staring at me, i had no idea what she said, what i was accused of...i just couldnt wait for the bus to come. then yesterady, another stranger approached me. i was sitting outside in the sun near school with my music on again. a man approached me and motioned towards the chair at my table. in canada the motion he gave me was 'may i take this chair... TO MY TABEL!'

but nope... HE. SAT. DOWN.

DAMMIT, i thought.

then he said somethign, i had to tell him i speak english... so then he started speaking english. he asked me how i was, and being the polite person i was raised to be, i responded and asked him how he was. which lead to a very short berif awkward conversation of his asking me it he could have some of my lunch. i wish i had had my sunglasses on s he wouldnt have seen the rediculous stink eye i gave him! i said ummm, and he said ill give you something. and so i said 'no, sorry'

and he still sat there.

i didnt know what to do i didnt want to say, 'please leave' because i didnt want to get the people around me's attention. cuz they had already given me a few looks... but now this random guy mysteriouslly approaches me and i invite him to join my table ( which i didnt realize i had invited him to sit at).... they woudl have thought me to be a hooker... because happened to be in the red light district again... ITS WHERE MY SCHOOL IS. I CANT HELP NOT GOING THERE.

so all i could do to feel not awkward was take another bite of my food. he then said "ill give you something', i didnt look up, just kept eating and he got the hint i didnt want him there.... and left. but everyone still stared at me. so i ate faster to get out of there. and i thought to myself 'why do strangers talk to me? what is it about me that makes me approachable for them to feel like they should talk to me?' i told the roommates about both encounters... i was relieved to know that they thought these people approaching me was as strange as i thought it was.

and then today....

today, i was going to get some more migros juice. i was on the bus, and some 'G-unit" kids got on. they gatheres in the standing area infront of where i was sitting. they were speakign english to one another. i turned off my music and listened to them while my ear buds were still in. when im in public and i hear people speaking, i stop my music, just to hear my language beign spoken. i guess i try to eves drop...but i dont really care what they are saying, i am just listening to english! so the kids kept talking, about some concert they were going to, one of them was so 'hard-core' that he started rappin! i smiled, but kept looking out the window pretending to listen to my music. my stop came and i picked up my bag. and then it happened.... the girl that was with the gusy said something to me, i can only assume they didnt realize i knew english.

i looked at her and raised my eyebrow, because i heard loud and clear what she said. she probablly just thought i had looked at her cuz she knew i had heard her say something directed at me, but that i probablly didnt understand.

i smiled, stood up to get off at my stop, i wasnt going to say anything. but then she repeated, "bitch, move yo'as".

i looked directlly at her, looked at the guys she was with, gave them my best black look of 'oh, no you dint girlfriend,' looked them up and down (kinda thought oh shit, they could kick my ass no problem), i looked back at her and the gusy and said, "have a good day".

the eyes f the gusy she was with grew, i smirked and got off the bus and thought... WHY MEEEE?

whyyyyy! but then i laughed!

it snowed again today. i like the snow! it looked like tha first snowfall in vancouver on december 2nd... it was nice,

i walked home with my 2L of migros juice...just to avoid the possability of contact with more awkward strangers.

PS. peter and wilma say 'hi'.

...ten

2008-03-09T21:11:00.002-04:00

this weekend was gin.day.

a day knowen to those at U of O as a historic day, nearly a decade old in the making.

gin.day. 08 was my frist....

and dammit.... its my last!

i hate gin. i hate gin so much. it tastes awful. and in a large consumption... its even worse.

i finished it though, i completed gin day... with hours to spare.

but still... i hate myself for actually committing to it, and being as stubborn for stupid things such as this, i couldnt give up.

my roommates and i called luc at 6am zurich time... midnight ottawa time, just as they were starting. i swear i heard luc tell me that he didnt think i could do it, and that was enough motivation to make me drink the 40. turns out i was a little more drunk then i had realized and he actualy was saying that he believed i could do it. and in the end, he has to bow out with class!

but i did it, and will never do it again!

this evening i met up with a classmate who is working on getting points/credits towards her grad project. she was looking to interview international students, getting thier imressions of switzerland, see how they are setteling in, opinoins, culture adaption, just some easy general experience questions.

i left my house early to so allow time for people watching at the Hapbanhof. i love people watching, and on weekend, the train station is the best place to go.

hipsters, punks, grunge/homeless kids with their dogs, business men, army boys, families, teens, old people.... everyone is there.

i arrived early enough to see some promotional spots set up inside the station, they had soccer games going on, getting everyone hyped for euro cup 08... which will be happening in zurich in june while im here!

so i sat to wait , and started to watch people,

now usually i hate sundays here, because everything is closed. but now, i see a signifigant purpose as to why the swiss are closed on sunday, shortened business hours on saturday, and stores close earlier during the week, its to make time to be with those that matter to you, friends, family, loved ones, or just have time to yourself.... doing nothing.

in north america, we are set in our busy ways of life and forget to appreciate the things that surround us everyday, but here... i get a different feeling then that which i would in canada.

tonight as i sat at the station, i people watched.

people with their dogs, dirty sleesy men staring at teenage girls, people appearing to be in a rush to get their train, people walking, eating, talking, enjoying a beer... the same ol' stuff i see at home.

but here, theres something else i have noticed.

becasue young men serve their duty to their country, they spend a lotted period of time training in the swiss army. and on weekends, the station is flooded with young men in uniform, coming and going on the trains, visiting friends and family. tonight as i sat there, officers in camo and formal uniform all met their trains; a number of which were accompanied by girlfriends kissing them goodbye.

its precious, adorable. i love seeing that love is all around. that it still exists in a true form, in a sweet way, innocent, honest, that its acknoledged and appreciated.

i've learned ot watch people differntly since i have arrived, read them differently, and ive realized that here, the value of a loved one is expressed with a tender approach that was lost long ago in north america.

small jesters of love and appreciation have been lost in the north american eye,

i fear that a 35 year old love as my parents have for one another is hard to come by today,

that we have become bound by paying the bills,

trapped by impressing others,

trying to prove you are someone,

trying to figure out who you,

trying to hard to stabilize an education to ensure a promising job, all awhile you forget that your trying to do all these things for the ones you love.

but sometimes, you forget, loose track of time or wait too long... and you loose that love.

as i watched young love hold onto every last moment tonight,

i thought of the young people i have met in zurich,

and thought of the young people i know at home and in vancouver,

believe me, there is a diference.

if i could, i would choose the love i see in switzerland.

its honest.

theres no need to play "the game". no need to mess with someones mind, no need to pretend, no need to waste time, and no need to deny your feelings.

Last weekend, i travelled to Milano. I shared my train seating compartment with an old couple. As they had the window seats, i sat on the other side looking out the other side of the train, but viewing their reflections the whole time as the suns light shown though the window at the rite angle to allow me to see everything.

they were an older couple, maybe in their 70s or so.

we were travellign through some beautiful landscapes,

she looked out the window with a look of breatlessness on her face,

at frist, i thought he too was looking at the snowy landscape, but soon realized that the look of breatlessness on his face was directed at her, not the window.

he loved her. after a lifetime together, the look he had on his face as he watched her was stronger then i had ever seen.

i thought to myself, why havnt i seen love like this before?

why dont more people have that look?

has love been lost? or has it modified to meet our busy lives, that its not represented by something so sincear such as an honest look.... but is symbolic once a year by a box of chocolates and a card with a verse written by hallmark?

i watched them through the reflection, they shared sandwiches with one another, helped each other with a newspaper puzzle, and at one point he just rested his hand on her knee as if to express how he felt. their stop came, they helped each other put on their jackets, he got the door for the cart for her and carried her bag like a real gentlemen,

it was adorable and precious.

i sat there and watched them outside the window and as they waited to cross the tracks,

i thought to myself, why cant i find that? why cant the men i know give a promising feeling of a secure life together.

what is it about where i come from, and where i am now that has made love so different?

ive always believed that its easier to tell someone you love them, then it is to show them.

ive seen young and old love in this city,

its beautiful.

i can only tell those of you reading this that i wish for you to see and/or experience what im talking about.

after seeing simple acts of honesty, i believe love does exist.

love for family, friends and partners. its there, yet some have a harder time admitting it.

i envy the swiss for making time for this, to appreciate what they have.

i myself am guilty of hiding my love for some,

whether its because i know it wont be accepted, or its being played with by others...

i have to believe love makes a difference, that in all pain and pleasures - its worth every moment that its felt.

...nine

2008-03-07T15:23:00.006-05:00

okay,

im sorry, its been a week.

so, in one of my previous posts, i believe i may have mentioned something about switzerland having downloading laws, similliar to the ones we have in canada... you may have heard of them, and ignored them like everyone else.

but actually.... they cut our internet in the house!

( i blame it on kevin though, every internet adaptor he plugged his router into broke... so yes, its kevins fault!)

also... MY. ROOMMATES. FOUND. MY. BLOGG. (insert mono toned voice here)

almost rite after, i heard some giggling coming from kevins room,

the next day i found out that simon, kevin and jan had gathered to read the blogg together... and the laughing, was a response to my german translations! hahaha, oh internet translators!

so a few ppl have left me comments about comign to visit zurich.... GUYS, ANYTIME!

sam, let me know when youll be around and lauren.... we can go on a gnome hunting bike adventure! (hells angels zurich headquarters is rite around the corner form my house, no joke!)

so last weekend, i experienced my first ever real swiss fondu gathering.

as much as my roommates believe i dont understand german, i can recognize a few words here and there, and i have been relying on my other sences of observence to understand whats going on. ive alwasy been a good observor, i see everything, but now.... i see so much more.

so while 7 swiss argued in the kitchen, i soon realized that they were debating on how to stir the cheese!

wilma claimed that you cant just stir it clockwise & counter clockwise becasue it will stay as a clump, kevin quit stirring becasue everyone critisized his technique, simon took over, but i watched.... he missed so many spots! and then someone else took over! they only allowed me to put 2 cloves of garlic in each batch....

but as they left the third batch unattended, i slipped 6 cloved of the delicious treat into the bot!

it was so good! they didnt even realize how much garlic was in there until the end of the pot when the cheese garlic ratio were 1:1 I. LOVED. IT.

the next morning i woke up and it looked like fucking vancouver in february. not awesome.

btu i got on a train and went to milano to visit paco. he picked me up on his vespa and we travelled through town, i imagined we looked like we were in a movie... scooting through the milanlo streets in the sun, 25C, sunglasses, wind in my hair... i wish i had a picture. ( and had i knowen he was picking me up on his vespa, i wouldnt have worn a skirt that day.... yeah, i know, it was a bad idea!)

i met some of pacos friends and later after dinner, we went to see a band play at this par that had a photo exhibit up.

and then the best surprise ever happened.

i was standing there drinking my beer, and Giulia (an exchange student from milano, she was at ECI last fall) was standing there.

i didnt know she would be there. i was so glad to run into her. she said she had seen me, but couldnt figure out why i would be there, she thought i was still in vancouver! She didnt realize i was already on my exchange in switzerland!

running into her was just what i needed. since i have been here, i havnt really had the opportunity to chat with anyone about what im thinking, doing and feeling here, its hard to just talk to someone and 'tell' them. ppl will listen, but really i need some sort of response.

she reassured me that everything im thinking is perfectlly normal.

she gave me a sweet heart to heart about what she experienced and how it matured her into someone she loves even more. it was also the first girl talk i have had since everyone left for their spring term in january, i was so happy to see her and her photography that was hanging in the photo show that night.

i returned to zurich on sunday, i love train rides! if i could, i would ride them all day, and put "dont stop believing" on repeat... or just the one lyric line of ...'she took the midnight train going anywhere".... to city and colour's lyrics of "i can hear my train commin..."

i got lost in the city on monday, but it was a good lost...

that is until it started to rain, and then hail.... and then rain again.

i adventured into the industreal part of zurich to find the photo supply store, ohhh, i found it.

ABOUT. 11. BLOCKS. FROM. WHERE. THE . MAP. SAID.

in canada, hte system for numbering buildings is rather....'loose', as in the building on one block might me numbered 34, and two building down, the number is 95 !.... but nope, in switzerland, they are accurate!, and also, imentioned a while ago that maps lie in actual perspecitve!

noth number and mapping got the best of me! i got off at the bus stop the internet told me to get off at, the buildings were numbered 110, ..... I NEEDED 30.

30. thats why the 11 blocks got the best of me.... they were big blocks.... imagine factories, industreal buildings.

all for 2 4x5 casses and canned air.

i got lost trying to retrace my steps, and ended up walking. walkign to what i thought was the limmet river...but was actually just a side stream of it! iw as lost again... ad ended up walkgin to lake zurich... where i found a bus...got on, wrong way! and then foudn a bus with a number i had seen before! usually i love getting lost, but there was nothing exciting to see in this part of the city!

my secod corse started on tuesday, i had e-mailed the proff before to let him know i was coming! ulr, is awesome! its a studio class.... its exciting for the students becasue they are learning how to use a 4x5 and 8x10

both of which are not new to me. i asked what kind of work is expected in this class... ulr told me he jsut wants us to become comfortable with the cameras. i dont know it we have any projects....

sooo, i gonna do my own work with the 4x5s! it was a enjoyable class despite sitting there through demos of how ot load film and put the camera on the tri pod, the class was divided into a mornign and afternoon groupe, by alphabetical default, im in the morning class!

it was good though, the majority of my group seems like good workers, so hopefully ill get to see some good work comign out of them. as nice as ulr was, (trying to speak sentences half in english) it was probablly my favorite class, i told him i was very comfortable with the 4x5, and thanks to ray lum, (making me bleed 4x5 last term....) i confidentlly showed a few classmates how to change the bellows to the bagged bellows, change lenses, (all 4x5 cameras at ZHdK have a 90mm, 150mm ad a 240mm lens that comes WITH EACH CAMERS! unlike eci who has one 90 mm lens... that must stay in the studio!) i explained the whole tilt for focus, shifting, extended bellows and alligning and seeing around corners business... i saw url out the corner of my eye watching me explaine.... he just smiled and shook his head with a look of agreeing!

i had my third class start on thirsday... its a history class. yes, im taking the history of photography IN GERMAN. i dont know why!!! they just told me to take that class.

i knew this would be a painful class, it was going to be a 7 hour lecture on photo, in german, instructed by a german, meaning no one woudl understand him becasue he speaks a different german, and this one... he slurs, speaks fast and mumbles!

the class understood as much as i did! as class started i pulled out a suduku...

the teach said something to me, but i didnt know he was talking to me! ( at this point he didnt know i didnt speak english)

all the others in the class knew, and they thought it was halarious.... they all smiled and no one said anything. the looked at me... and i realized what was going on, that the teacher was tlakign to me... i looked up and said... im sorry, i dont know any german,

thilo ( the teacher) said, then why are you here, i replyed by saying... they told me to come to this class. he said, what will you understand... i said,,, i wont understand anything.

the class laughed! i think they find this whole thing amusing!

so i day dreamed, wrote in my journal again, looked at the celing, and noticed that they had the facial expression i had! they didnt understand!

after class a few students asked me how i felt.... turns out they felt the same was i did! that they wanted to die! haha

btu at least the teacher had given em a slide list and i knew a little of what was going on and what we were looking at!

it was a funny week, i never get boared here,

i love this city and country more and more every day,

i dont ever want to leave .

i wont say any more rite now.

its gin day in a few hours...

details will follow... i promise.

GIN. DAY.

...eight

2008-02-26T14:05:00.006-05:00

im beginning to miss veggie dogs & hot sauce, sigh!

ive only been here almost two weeks now,

i dont miss canada yet, sorry mom!

i do miss my fluffy little edna though, i had a dream about her last week... i dont remember what she did, it was probably just annoying me by running on her wheel while im trying to sleep!

i had a strange weekend filled with emotions... and well today, another stopper happened.

i finally figured out my skyping camera on saturday night which let me chat with marc andre for a while, i was so happy. his state of bordom in kingston couldnt have come at a better time for me, i really needed to see a familiar face from home, converse in english and know that the other person listening to me actually understood every word i meant. I have met some great people, and live in a fabulous house with awesome roommates. and as much as i enjoy the conversations i have with everyone, a part of me keeps reminding myself that 'they might not exactlly know what your talking about'.

because of this, i feel awful i cant speak to them in their native language, so i have been brushing up on my french by watching tele francais, and working on german youtube podcasts!

im slowly coming along!

all this language barrior stuff and experiencing 'the best city to live in the world' has really sunk in, i feel like such an ass asking "do you speak english?" everytime i talk to ANYONE. maybe i should become a mute like mr.bean!?

saturday, there was a full moon in zurich (an orange one!), i went to the forest behind my house to take some night photos, i adventured into what i once thought was gypsy homes, but are actually small pieces of land the city has given to citizens to have a garden and build a small storage shed for tools.... they are actually owned by rich families!

i decided today that a documentation of these inner city gardens will be a documentary project i will conduct in the next few weeks as the first crops begin to sprout!

sunday morning i was invited to brunch with wilma and peter...kevin came too!

it was 17 degrees, the sun was shinning, there was a slight breeze, and for a moment, the first moment since i have arrived... i felt like 'this' was my place.

maybe it was the beautiful day, or the chance to explore the city with people i enjoy the company of, or maybe... it was the fact that i was doing something i love doing in canada... but in zurich. i found my happy bubble!

brunch was the most adorable thing i had ever seen! it was organized by classmates of peter (he's my roommate in interactive design at ZHdK) they convert their livingroom into what looks like a 7 year olds cardboard dreamland! i loved it! it was complete with neon pink spray painted old sneakers in the windows! they prepared a traditional brunch, everyone was welcome. the weather was so nice that the four of us took one of the cardboard box tables outside to the street to enjoy the morning. i commented on how it was -20C (toronto) when i left canada just a week prior, my swiss mates laughed! a few moments later, i commented on how my flesh felt like it was burning it was so hot... they thought i was joking with them until the clouds covered the sun and my sunburn was revealed! no joke! first sun burn of the season!

at the cardboard box table next to ours, a man overheard me talking and noticed i didnt have a accent. turns out he was an american from alaska! i told him i was canadian, and he responded by telling us that canada wouldn't let him in! he said he didnt show up to court for an unpaid ticket... my friends believed him. i on the other hand am very much aware that whatever this guy did was more then just a no show in court! late over dinner, we all agreed this american was 'odd'!

i then scooted off to the Hophbanhoff to meet a design student working on their thesis. she wanted to interview international students to find their perspectives of switzerland, ...she never made it, and i had to bike home... UP MOUNTAIN (okay it was a hill) alone, ....yeah i got lost!, i ended up in the forest with the little veggie gardens, i scouted out 5 gnomes.... i love this place!

the house had decided on a pizza feast on sunday night....

they let me cut the mozerella. as i sat down with 4 bricks & the shredder... i found it awfully hard to shred soft cheese! they turned ot see what i had done and they all laughed... i didnt realize that in europe they slice the cheese for pizza! they realized only half a brick too late that canada has hard mozerella! hahah,

it tasted delicious anyways! between brunch, bike riding, sunburns, laughs over dinner and kevin cross dressing, sunday has been my favorite day here by far!

monday...another lazy day, complete with a trip to ikea ( i took the wrong train 3 times and had to keep backtracking... but hell do i ever know how to get there now!!) the ikea hotdogs in CH creeped me out, ...the dog was twice as long as the bun... i just couldnt do it!

i got plants, curtains, frames and other bed comforts... i then decided to give silverfast a second try.... no luck, i got frustrated, and went home!

today i went to school with the intention in joining a digital photo class taught by Holger, hes like 'the dude' hes got one and a half sleeves done, hippster punk hair and is just in general awesome! as nice of a guy as he is from my other encounters with him... at the end of class we discussed me being in class and kinda decided that i shouldnt be in there becasue programs and class discussion are in german. it kinda hurt me, being told that i wouldnt be able to make it. a little discouraging.

i then realized who i was to my alien school....

i worked my ass off at eci to get here, but to my alien school... im just someone else, im KANADA girl, but if anything... i feel like everything i have ever worked for will never be recognized here.

it just kinda sucks that it had to be holger to make me realize that... cuz hes awesome... and now i have a small anger! that was until he told me that i should carry on with my digital work and anytime i need help with something... he will be there! how often has anyone ever heard eric say that? yeah....!

so i was still a little bummed about it, whenever someone tells me i wont be able to make it.. i feel like i need to prove them wrong...

so. since ulrich told me i can do whatever i want.... thats exactly what im going to do! im starting my own class...population, ONE...ME!

this class will be the highlight of my ZHdK career! no, for real!... its also going to be the beginning of my grad project studies. i guess im lucky to be able to have a whole term available to dedicate time to it.

so now officially, im i three classes that last the term, and will be enrolled in a critical lecture series in may... its 4 days, but counts as a class!?!

so officially, im in 4 classes, and will be beginning my grad project, a documentary project.... and who knows what else may come along outside the classroom!?!

i thought this all to myself after talking with Holger... but i was leaving school in a dissapointed mood until i ran into cedric, a classmate... it was the perfect distraction. he had a oldschool 6x7 bellows camera that he had never used before and was gonna test for the first time. i was so happy to see someone playing with something i was familiar with... something you didnt need to know how to speak german to use or understand.

i have been talking ot myself in my head lately... i keep reminding myself that

i have my hasselblad,

i have my thoughts & theories

i have MY creative imagination,

all of which wont be taken form me, they requier no german manual...

i felt a little more confident reminding myself that i came here because photography has no spoken word to misunderstand. the discussions around it are another story...

running into cedric made me a little more optomistic... but nothing woudl beat what happened as soon as i walked into the house...

Simon told me that friday, they are having cheese fondu! no north american knock off style of cheese fondu... he emphasized that it was REAL swiss fondu. this was exactly what i wanted to hear! so friday... will be my first REAL... swiss fondu experience. sigh.

...seven.point.one

2008-02-21T17:50:00.002-05:00

it has also come to my attention that since all my teachers know i dont know german,

they cant just call on me to add on to the discussion in class. they have to ask me the question in english first, ...

this allows me the free time ti day dream, work on other projects and whatever i can do in my head while i sit there and smile around the room!

...seven

2008-02-21T14:47:00.005-05:00

i dont care if your busy rite now,

click on this link!

justin sent it to me the other night... it kept me up longer then any youtube video should!

the sad/funny thing is... THIS IS WHAT I DEAL WITH EVERY DAY! (its so exhausting!)

so i've been in zurich a week now, im still alive and love the city a little more each day, yeahhhhhh! Last night i sat down and finally wrote each individual day of classes i migth possibly have. i still dont get how this system works... one class a month for some classes.. while others are once a week, then one will be 2 times in one month, once the next month, then 3 days straight. yeah, makes sense!

just like oktoberfest being in september???

so today... i had my first class!

Ulrich Gulrich ( i still love the name) told me that classes start at 9am, to meet on the first floor, and as a class we would find a room.

so i showed up at 9... i was the only one. i adventured inside where i someone said to me, are you yvonne form ontario?

i was like, yesssss, and gave a curious eye,,,,

his name was martin, he was my teacher! the teachers in the department have been informed that i am there. and they will know who i am becasue there are only 72 people who have access to the building!

this was my praxis die fotografie fische generes class.

as everyone filed in... it was obvious i didnt belong!, but ppl still sat by me anyways!!

i rusty german gave me enough knowlegde to know that martin had just told the class that we have a exchange student in the class.... they all turned to look at me at the same time...

i gave a awkward wave!

turns out that each photo year only has 17 students. and this was the 17 students that have all classes together... all four years long.

i was dropped amungst them.. it was a good mix though, some old, some young... and for the first time in my photo class history... its a 50/50 male/female mix!

it was so nice to have guys there! and unlike eci.... when the teacher opens the floor to discussion... the guys in class are the first to speak up.... the girls dont chat in class like us eci girls do!

class started with watching elephant man... IN ENGLISH!! WOOOHOOOO!...

since its europe,,, we have endless smoke breaks! during one, i saw one of the girls across the room pull our a brown leather SX-70. naturally..... i was excited! ( i have the same one!)

i watcher and two others struggle to figure out how to open it...

a part of me wanted to yell "DONT DO THAT"

but then i remembered... im the new kid!

i walked over and motioned to them to give me the camera... they did with a puzzeling concern on the faces.

POP! opened it on my first try!

it was a good class....

until after lunch when we watched heiroshima mon amore....

i remember falling asleep during that screening last year for harry killas class...

and this time, the french movie had german sub titles.... i. wanted. to. die.

i was so tired!

but alas, i made it though class, and found out that the students are only taking 4 classes a term... so im going to cut my selection off 7 down a few!!!

they are a really nice groupe of people, they all speak english, and were more then kind to speak english to me.

i feel really bad that i dont know german to converse with them in their native language, im trying to learn so hard.... im just uncomfortable speaking it out loud.

we went for drinks after class, they taught me how to order beer... but i forget now!

ill just have to order more beers to keep on practicing!

well i dont have another class until,,, um i think next wednesday.....

AHHHHHHH, thats it , im taking on my own projects, i need something to do!

...six

2008-02-19T18:57:00.004-05:00

today i slept in!

sigh. i had no real plans, seeing as i dont have a class schedule....ever.

i have officially registered as a city resident, yeahhhaaayyy!

to those of you who wish to see photos... i have none!

when tom came to visit last weekend, i brought my new digital camera with me for documenting stupid occurences... i pulled it out of my pocket and the lenz was stuck open, it wouldnt focus, wouldnt shit off...

so its being sent back to canada tomorrow to henrys!

tomorrow ill bring my 440 polaroid out with me as i get a swiss bank account and student id card!

one of my roommates helps out with the projection of tuesday night movies at ETH (the technology school) kevin and simon (roommates) left early for the show... i wondered around the house for a little while before i left. i still got there early, which gave me time to try to find the room in the university! it was huge, ...the building was beautiful inside, the architecture, the paintings, everything. i felt like i was in a museum! i got lost, but it was awesome, because there was some kind of historic show on in the gallery that featured old swiss ski's , lounge chairs, old sleds and mountain sled cars and tonnes of propaganda posters and a bunch of other old stuff i couldnt read about because my german is still awful. since my class 'schedule' is much less then i had expected.... i now have more time to learn german, i have a goal.... by friday i will comfortably answer the house phone in german, telling them i do not speak or understand german, but to just say the name of who you wish to speak to, and i will find them.

i told peter this, he laughed!

i like to go grocery shopping every day, just to get what i need for dinner that night...

i got to the cereal aisle and thought... should send jason a surprise of something neither he or i will understand...

but that was just the problem... there was to much to mis-understand, and i didnt bring my translation book today.

but i still bought frosties for myself for my dinner....

we have good cereal bowls in our house jason!

...five

2008-02-18T17:41:00.004-05:00

yes jen, photo students are much more fun then 'those' design students!

so as i had said yesterday, my plan was to lay in bed and stream old episodes of saved by the bell!

(oh, and by the way... all those 'illegal downloading laws' they talk about in canada, but no one listens to and we all download programs and such anyways... umm the swiss believe in it! my student housing actually blocks all downloading... except for my computer moaaahhhh moaaahhhh! i love it! my roommates dont understand how mine isnt blocked! i dont care to know... im in the middle of downloading CS3.... it cant stop now!)

so my battery started to die, i have a rough 54 minutes left. i went to plug in my power adaptor only to notice the power in my room was out. great. so i went to the basement and flipped the switch for my room ( thank god electrical business is the same in canada!) and it worked again...

except for my mac adaptor. turns out my power adaptor blew in the night and thats why my power went out. at first i didnt know if it was the cord or my computer... until kevin who uses a pro let me test my computer with his cord.... thankfully it was the adaptor, and not my computer. so my lazy sunday turned into a 'panic i need a adaptor' sunday. in switzerland everything is closed on sunday... but i didnt know that until i had already rushed out the door putting on my ripped jeans... only to make the hold near the crotch larger as my foot went through it...i dont are, they are still my favorite pants. ever. i also added my sweet nike high tops, and my neon pink & yellow sunglasses to my atire...neon always cheers me up!

but not today...

it was football/soccer day or something. EVERYONE WAS BLOWING THEIR HORNS. i swear to god, men in CH measure their egos by the cars they drive, how long they can hold the horn for and how many idiotic friends they can have hanging out the sun roof screaming with flags going 80 on city streets, the idiots pissed me off! all i wanted was my bus. my bus to take me to the apple dealer ( which i still at this point didnt know was closed).

it came, but i was still angry, cuz then i realized everything was closed, and the only thing to do in town today was be pissed off by the soccer fan assholes ( k, i know... when my team wins, im just as bad as them, but today was not my teams day!)

so, as i stood outside the locked apple doors, i caught a glimpse of how i looked in the window reflection, and i began to realize why so many people had been staring at me!

when tom was here a few days ago, we discussed how everyone is dressed well, how they all look nicely done up, and how our everyday atire in canada wouldnt even exist in their thrift stores...

well there i was, sweet kicks, old jeans wiht holes in the knees and one in the crotch, beastie boys t-shirt, expos scarf, sweet neon sunglasses and my sunshine yellow computer bag.

i was so happy i looked like that. but i was still pissed the apple store was closed, and that the soccer horns were still louder then my ipod.

so i walked, i wanted to get away form the horns so i traveling into the university of zurich student ghette/ old medieval part of town. i dont really know where i walked exactly, i just turned every corner and took the steepest narrowest looking ally, i had been walking up these steep paths for a while, my legs were starting to hurt, so i sat on a random bench. when i looked up... i realized i was sitting in front of karl marx's house? but it was sunday, AND IT TO WAS CLOSED. so i peeped through the windows!

found my way back to the station, bought my first swiss chocolate bar and went home.

it was an awful day... and then i ate the whole chocolate bar. ( i wish i hadn't, because then i would have some to eat rite now...)

i went to bed because i had a meeting with my department head at 10am to sort out a schedule.

His name was Ulrich Gorlich! (i love his name) he asked me where i was from again, i said canada, and he said,,, 'ahhh, kanada. your milk and vomit video'.

yupp, i had a feeling that had something to do with me being accepted! we discussed my technical ability, what kind of work i do, and what im interested in. i had looked at the courses previouslly so i had a list of about 5 or 6 of interest. i thought we were meeting for him to tell me what i can and can not take...

well he then said, if we have visiting students, we let them do whatever they want. i thought 'cool' i can take any level classes!

but really what he meant is that 'i. can. do. whatever. i. want.!!" literally! okay, great... so when do we make my timetable? he says,,, you dont have one, do what you wish, take what classes you wish to take. okay, well what about my transfer credits when i leave here?

when you leave here, bring me your paper, fill it out yourself with however many credits you need at your school, and ill sign the paper.

i didnt know if he was joking or serious, so i rephrased the same question three times... and still he said, take one, two six or seven classes, youll get the credits you need, your new in the city and youll have other things to do then just stay in this building working.

i like this man! im going to take his class!

This is my dream school!

HGKZ turned into ZHdK last summer, becoming the zurich university for the arts, this united the dance, music, film & media, design and production schools into one university. The photography department has its own building on the limmet river! Its four floors. one floor of the building is the size of the entier eci photo department. Before Ulrich gave me a tour, he told me about the classes, honestly, this next part will drive me crazy ( as if the false-ified credit count already haddnt!) classes didnt start on feb 18, the term does, aka the doors are open to students for use of equipment!, classes start at different times in the term, like one class starts jan 26. another one starts march 23, and they arent consistent...

they kinda are every few weeks! one class is three tiems in the term! another is every 3 weeks. another is 5 or 7 times in the term... the teacher hasnt decided yet! haha and these dates change from class to class!

and there is no classroom assigned so you know where your going. you meet at 9am on the day the class is schedueled... you all gather , and the teacher will find a empty room to have class in!

what a system! I kept smiling, and Ulrich i think knew i thought this is crazy! (if your wondering... ulrich looks like a blond hair blue eye alan storey... with the relaxed personality of chris cryzaryski mixed with a tone of how john wersheck speaks!)

so here are the facts,

credits - i get to make them up and decided how many i want.

classes- i get to go to as many as i want, ulrich believes that ill be out exploring moren then ill want o be inside!

schedule - impossible to exist. classes start whenever they want, and change when they want

facilities..... incredable!

in my tour i met the personal photo department secretary! edna!

then he showed me the digital lab... not like eci so scrap that image... its better with more equipment. there are two labs, one has 8 or 10 computers in it each is hooked up to a scanner fro 35mm, 6x7, 120 (they even have a 4x5 scanner and a larger one but i didnt catch what size it scanned, i was still just excited!) media transfer, editor or something else. the other lab we walk into... he points to the printer and says, here we have this crapy old epson digital printer... i turned to look expecting the ones we have at school... heeellllll no! Their 'crappy old' printer looks like the one carlos uses in the SB! i thought he was kidding about the crappy printer until he showed me the good ones!

ahemm, they have two! one specializes in matt the other in gloss! they are wider then the one carlos, he says they are brand new this year! actually... im excited for all the digital possabilities! i asked how much, he said... you buy the roll of paper and printing is included! sweet!

so i was rather impressed with the machines they had... i couldnt wait to see the wet labs! most of the student print colour, so they only have 10 B&W enlargers in individual rooms ( they do tray processing, YEAHHHH, i get to put m fingers in chemicles!) the colour rooms are like eci, except for the MEGA kreonyte! im so fucking excited! i thought printing 30 x 40 was something special (its the biggest size that fits in the eci printer) not this one... its huge, i didnt hear the number cuz i was so amazed at the size of it!

all crits are held in the gallery, the studio only has 12 foot celings which kinda sucks, but it has tones of equipment. ulrich took me to the technicians office... hes also the av man and supply man! there are no photo stores, we go to him! he has everything and helps you with anything! You buy your film there, your B&W chemicles, your paper, you can borrow gear for however long you want (ulrich says you might leave on a trip for two weeks and need it!) and get this... jon (the tech) repairs your camera if its broken!

there are 72 students in the department. after the tour and meeting a few of the students... i started to realize that when cedric said it was a good school.... it actually 'is' an incredable school. i was nervous and intimidated before,.... and even more so now. how the hell did i get in here? i was the only photo student of 17 exchange kids... design kids i should say!

shit i better work my ass off and impress them, they are relaxed and easy going and very VERY good at what they do. 72 students, so small. the 72 students are devided into 4 groups for the term, in in red! ulrich says they are a very good group to work with, i havnt met them yet!

AND I HAVE A MAIL BOX AGAIN!!!!! YEAHHHHH!

so very merrly i left the school thinking of all my hatred form the initial impression from the design kids... but this, this photo department was more then i dreamed of.

..but i still neeved ot get my tram pass and computer adaptor... got the pass and a 1/2 card which lets me go anyplace on a train for half price!!! and the mac store was sold out of cords... FUCK ME.

so in anger i got on the 7 tram and thought whatever im going for a adventure... 2 stops later... the glorious apple logo appeared on a store, i went in, and a african american man owned it... he was from north carolina! we chatted for a while, it was so nice to talk to someone whos first language was english! and he had the power adaptor i needed! i decided im going back to visit him if anything else goes wrong!

so happly i headed to my tram stop, box in hand old lady sunglesses on when someone approached me in german asking for directions!

actually this happens often in foreign countries! tom even mentioned while he was in town that he was just going to follow me and not question anything because i looked like i knew where i was going and how to get there! this happened in italy too many times too!

an i actually was able to help the lady, i already figured out the tram system and i sent her on her way! i cam home and only kevin was here...

i think he finds me strangly amusing! by the amounts of garlic i put in things, how ill mention random things like the naked asian man who keeps his blinds open all the time.

today he told me eh was watching 'twin peaks', and how the canadians all dress in traditional mountie police atire.... and everyone in canada is a coke dealer!!!

i laughed and told him police have cars , not horses, and modern uniforms.... and were not all coke dealers!

my room is empty, i need to buy a plant!

tomorrow, im heading to school to scan everything in existence... finally i get to play with photo toys again!

sorry this is long, i just have so much to say and no one to speak english to.

...four

2008-02-17T06:25:00.003-05:00

so last night, i couldnt say no to lisa and her friend and i joined them at that party!

IT. WAS. AWESOME.

i was so glad i went, swiss are crazy partiers.... once there is enough 'blonde' or 'hell' beer in them, the guys become overbearing and insist on listening to really bad 90 pop music... i was in love!

lisas friends reminded me of so many people back at home, and when im drunk... i understand german,

okay probably not, but i knew what they were talking about.

being from ' KAN -A - DA", everyone automatically wants to talk to.

a few of the guys soon realized i was easily convinced of whatever they told me about the swiss army, culture and politics. they tried to explain to me why its better for a country to have 7 dictators in charge... rather then one.

their only real argument was that swiss politics were better and more liberal then canadas because they are allowed to drink alcohol on the street. that was really their only defence...

one guy tryed so hard to convince me that the swiss hate canada, that the swiss have army subs sitting of the east coast ready to destroy the country in one hit. ahahha

he tryed to prove this theory by pointing to a map of CH on the wall.... the surrounding countries of france, germany, italy and austria were in blue... he claimed this to be an ocean, and thats how the subs would get to canada....

serious. im not an idiot. we had a god yelling, laughing , argument about how switzerland isnt in the middle of the ocean...but he still insisted! haha.

then we went to some guys room... there was a guitar! and a couple of guys started to play...what should have sounded like greenday... i told them they needed to stop! so they played enrique eglasies - hero! when i whispered "let me be your hero" they died laughing and couldnt finish the song! they gave me a stack of tabs to sort through and choose one i wanted them to play.... the pile wasnt a bad assortment of songs...

but then i saw it...

it had to be played...

I WANT IT THAT WAY... oh yeah, the backstreet boys.

turns out they couldnt play it, i was a little dissapointed and by the end of the jamming session i had made them a list of (easy) fantastic songs to learn for next time.

it was good, and then they insisted that "KAN-A-DA" dj's for a while....

in honor of home, i got some la bouche, ace of base, amber going before our cab arrives...

as i left saying my goodbyes...

i HAD to hit some sophie b. hopkins just fr the kids at 303 frontenac. you ladies would have been proud, and the guys, sorry to embaras you!

its sunday, im laying in my gnome pajamas,

im told the city kinda closes down on sunday.

i feel so lazy, gonna look up info on my photo classes i have to select tomorrow,

other then that, i might go check out that hoppster area around my foto building... or adventure in the woods behind my house. hummm

oh, and my crappy digital camera is broken, so noooo pictureeessss!

( i have to send it back to henrys to get fixed...jerks!)

...three

2008-02-16T13:00:00.002-05:00

ummm, so tom randomly left today.

i talked him into going to amsterdam...

but honestly, i have no idea where he was going to end up tonight. i miss him already.

mainly because when i parted at the train station... i was heading over to my exchange student orientation.

i was the first one there. great.

baki was charming, asked about my visa, he was rather kind.

moments later the others started to arrive. ZHdK takes 17 exchange/visiting students each term.

once we were all seated, we went around the table and introduced ourselves.

i went first...

as it turns out, there was me from canada, a swedish woman and a polish man who were the only non germans. the other 14 were german. everyone was a design student... except me... 16 to 1 are the worst odds ever, i felt like shit.

not to mention i was by far the youngest one there. there were a few scruffy questionable beings, but everyone else was old. they stared at me.

seriously, everyone was design.

i was the joke of everyone there, i was so uncomfortable and i hate awkward social set ups just as much as i hate goodbyes. so i got the info i needed and told baki was going to check out my building.

turns out photography isnt in the main building... so i walked down the street...

i came to the building... which looked like some historic building. it was locked becaues the new term hasn't begun yet.

i heard things behind me... my building is rite on the limmet river... and directlly across is the most graffiitied skatepark i have ever seen. its partially man made, but there was so much art on everything it was hard to tell what was made by the skaters. everyone seemed to be there because the sun was out.

i think ill go back tomorrow and check it out a little closer.

i have a meeting on monday with the photography department head. hes going to help me pick my classes and such...

i just hope that the photo kids are not like the design exchange kids. those design kids appeared so serious, im 100% sure they dont have chair races down their halls.

this makes me so sad, i was subposto go to a party tonight with lisa ( its her friends birthday)

but really...meeting all the others today put me into a shitty mood that i wish i could jsut go to sleep rite now and not wake until morning.

sigh, i wish tom didnt leave today. tonight would have been so much better if he hadnt left.

...two

2008-02-15T19:45:00.004-05:00

yeahhyyyy, adventure!

Today, Tom and i finally figured out how to meet at the train station. this was a good ting!

It was cold today i thought ahead to wear my parka, but the purpose was defeated once i left the house and realized i wasnt wearing pants, but tights! ...it was sure to be a cold day no matter what!

Tom and i walked down the main shopping street today, i showed him the blood stains on the ground where that old lady fell yesterday. we went to starbucks...where i guess we looked like we only know english, because our young server simon greeted us with a 'hello'!! We journeyed towards lake zurich, where i kicked my foot in the air to scare the pidgons in the way when one of them freaked and flew into the bottom of my foot and fell! (dont listen to tom, he claims i kicked the bird in the air. NEVER. HAPPENED.)

As we were walking, we decided to ditch zurich for the day and find a mountain!

we went to the info booth, told the man we want to see a mountain. this got us nowhere and we needed to be a little more specific!

and off we were to luzern!

we were so excited.

we got on a train,

saw some sweet sweet houses,

some gypsy shanty towns... which were awesome little colonies....

AND I SAW GNOMES IN PEOPLES GARDENS!

so we got to luzern and walked outside, tom pretended to throw me into the freezing cold water... i would have been so pissed if he had.

he wanted a picture of him with the cities medieval skyline, i think i had more fun making him pose then he did! first i cut off his head, then got the shoe shot, then the blurry action... and started to take pictures of people passing by before i made tom kick his heal in the air and pose like the asian tourists on granville island. we had fun, and so did the old couple that stopped to watch us act like idiots! its okay though, if it were embarasing - they would have mistaken us for americans anyways!

we crossed the river.

then got distracted by a old crosswalk across the river.

we crossed the river again.

then saw a sidewalk bridge.

and crossed the river...again.

and thats when i saw it.

the castle on the hill. there was no way i wasnt going to get to this castle. i told tom that 'THAT' is where were going, that i didnt care if there wasnt a path, that we would rough the rugged forest and get to the castle. it was my first castle....and we were going!

on our way heading to that castle, i saw another castle...but this one looked like a colourful gingerbread castle! (we agreed that it myst be the maids house for the much bigger white castle on the higher mountain!)

ten steps up to the first mountain, we needed a break! we were weak.

the swiss are rediculous, we were amazed at how fit and good everyone looks, a 165 year old woman in switzerland looks like a woman in her late 50s in north america... this morning i looked out my window ( i live on a steep street) and i saw this old man trekkin up the hill with a constant steady pace... he wasnt going slow either!

we got to the gingerbread castle, and followed the path over to the glorious white castle (which we then realized it was a hotel now).

we nearly died.

the city was amazing (but i have no pictures to show, my digital camera battery died!), we then drank form a natural spring... and i convinced tom that we should follow this path into the woods!

i was hoping that some horses would trot on by with some arm men in traditional dress.

tom wished for a sentor...

when we decided to head out of the deep woods... we came across a garden.

i experienced my first mountain gnome here. he had a blue hat.

then we saw a 'ricola' package in the snow and took photos of it and the castle together... some men in a fire truck mocked us through their truck windows... jokes on them. we got a sweet ricola + castle picture!.

....and thats when two horses trotted on by.... yeah, it actually happened! it was perfect.

we returned to town where we bought some beer, tom said his was sweet and delicious. mine had a gnome on it! the man in the beer store informed us that tis perfectly legal to drink on the streets...

as soon as we got outside, tom cracked his open and i got sprayed, yeahhy tom!

we art some food and headed back to zurich, we sat in first class... and got kicked out.

we got back to zurich and were both so tired from trekking through the swiss hills that tom returned to uster (aka baldwin) and i returned home.

im so exhausted now, my legs are hurting form walking all day yesterday and for climbing a mountain. but todays adventure was werth every bit of pain im feeling. At home, i only see tom on occasion, at a concert, a random trip he took to vancouver, one of andrews shows or the old barn parties... but every tom morgan experience is gold.

i had been looking forward to seeing him for so long now, having a big of home in a strange new city is just what i needed to feel a little like it could be my own. i now call switzerland my alien country... and i decided that we need to kick tom out. as many 'thats what she said' jokes as he said today... im glad he was there. (until he made fun of me and walked away when i found out that stores sell pickle and cheese sandwiches... i was so excited, he didnt share the love. jerk.)

toms probablly one of my favorite people, hes so random and such a ass!

ill never apolagise for throwing cheesies at him & his car thought. im glad he found them months later in his air filter... :)

tomorrow is my information/orientation/tour of ZHdK and zurich with baki and the other exchange students. this is where it gets socially awkward when i realize i have nothing to saw about myself, that i realize the coolest thing to these people is the fact that im from canada... thats only 3 seconds of awesomeness...

ill have to work on some material tonight!

PS every building in switzerland has a bomb shelter, the one in my building nas a fooseball and pool table in it! i dont know if i should be excited for the tables, or nervous for having to have a bomb shelter?!?!

( P.S.)

...one

2008-02-14T20:26:00.004-05:00

so, i guess this place is 'relatively fabulous'!

im here. i made it. i've been here less then 24 hours, and switzerland (if it were a person) it would kinda make you laugh, its got a little character!

This past week was a little crazy with last minute necessities; you know, like getting your visa ON. THE. WAY. TO. THE. AIRPORT! but alas, i have it, im legally allowed to go attend school & live in the counrty [once your in, they cant kick you out...!!!].

Not even 5 minutes into the passenger waiting area, i realize the gate my flight to leave from is set to leave for cancune? imagine this, old men in tiki button ups, middle age house wives who have spend the last two weeks getting a 'base tan', teenagers and students leaving the toronto north pole for a vacation. their carry one most likely contained tanning oil, vegas dealer styled visors, fanny packs (only the old people) and those awful sunglasses middle aged men wear in that stage prior to shaving their mullet, but still think its rad to wear reflector sports shades.

me... i walk up in a crowd of vacationers in a parka, caring heavy camera & computer gear...ready fro the alps. yeah i didnt even stop, turned around and sat by myself and worried that my flight never existed, that i had accidentlly booked a flight to mexico!

turns out my gate was switched while i was checking in!

As soon as i sit, my phone rings.

My old turkish friend realized i was leaving and had called to say goodbye. Thats when it hit me; to you guys in Vancity, i have been gone for some time now. To everyone in the 905, im just leaving you guys for another 4-5 months for school.... but this time, to me it felt real. that I was actually leaving for school, returning to vancouver every term has become routine, has hardly effected me. But now, i know im gone. I sat at the airport, saying my last goodbyes and happy birthdays, when i noticed a man being escorted in cuffs. Ooooohhhh, i was excited now, a little terrified he might be on my flight, but i was curious. and yupp, sorry mom, but he was on my flight, being escored by a federal officer. He was loaded onto the plain first and i never saw him after them. But i was still excited, thinking that if our plain were to crash on an island in the Atlantic, this would so be like LOST! (kate was in cuffs, being escorted back to the US!!!) But despite my current death and plain crash dreams, this never happened!

I got two seats to myself on the flight, and tryed to nap... my neck and back hate me now!

So flying into Zurich at 815 am provided us with a breath taking sunrise across europe. As soon as we were above Ireland, you could see a rugged mountain lined horizon aka SWITZERLAND! As we approached, i kinda laughed to myself of how the country is bordered. As soon as you hit that first Mountain Ridge, BAMM, its like a gate/wall you have to pass before you get to this country that refuses to be a EU nation, refuses to use the euro, makes you believe their national security is superior to all others... and has it has a mote to keep you out!

Exiting the plain, i see a man staring at me. Familliar, i think so! He says hi. I say hi as a first reflex to someone talking to me. He says, "remember me, from the Swiss Conselette, i didnt realize we would be on the same flight!"

As it turns out, that Swiss man i had first approached about my visa...and then a second, third and fourth time i had gone to the embassy to visit was on my flight! We laughed, he acknoledged that i got my papers, and gave me some simple directions where to get my luggage and go through immigration. Im a little worried about that though, it was never stamped, never entered into the computer...i have to 'officially enter' the country, but i dont know if they know im here!

So i walk through the doors and am greeted by Lisa an Jan! (two of my new housemates)

They take me to the house, and then Jan and i adventured into Zurich central to sort out the woko housing, get info for my cell and show me the tram system. (this tram system of which, was shown to me in the most impossible way to remember ever! we accudentlly got off at wrong stops, went the wrong way, wrong bus etc. sooo as it turns out, jan didnt really know the tram, just the one route he takes to school!....which isnt my school!) I enjoyed our little excursion together, we laughed...realized that this roommate has a twisted sense of humor, dosnt believe Obama is gonna win, and he enjoys watching house! He left me for a meeting with classmates, and i went to Starbucks to wait for my favorite person!

He never arrived!

So i sat, the shade came, and i got cold. Tom had about 3 look alikes. All of which stood, dressed and had the same apperance as Tom. I got excited every time i saw one of the look alike! Tom never appeared....and swiss maps lie!

They make every distance appear like its a 5 minute stroll. Yeah, NO.

I walked yesterday. I walked a lot.

I found my school, no one was around me on the street and i gave a little "EEEKKKKK" quietly out loud! I was excited! It actually existed. I was excited, its bigger then ECI... and has a green fountain courtyard out front!

I was going to go inside, but got grossly intimidated by colonies of ZHdK students at both doors, and the guys yelling things off the rooftop balcony. Ipretended i knew where i was going and kept walking... because of this, i had to go around the block to back track because i was going in a direction i didnt need to go!

I pulled out my map, and laughed as i found a tram that stops one block from ZHdK, and takes me rite outside the door step to my home. Ill have to tell jan about this later!

So i knew how to get home, now it was grocery time.

I traced my steps back to the main train station, and followed the rich shopping street up to the lack... along the way, i saw a terrible thing.

It appears that these two old couples were posing for a photo when one of the ladies fell and crushed her head/face in the the iron fence in front of them. I guess i was there just after it happened. there was blood all over. it was dripping all over the sidewalk, her coat and pants were soaked, her face was red, and her hair was wet with blood sticking to her scalp.

The ladies at the pharmacy across the street ran out putting pressure and gaws on her head waiting for the ambulence. It was so strange. It was a huge head wound, she was soaked i her own blood, i couldnt watch anymore... so i continued strolling.

I got my groceries, THERE ARE SO MANY CHEESES!!!

I was told things close early here, so i started to worry when 630 hit and i still needed to get a bedding and a few other living necessities i would need in the morning. At home, you could give me 5 minutes in the superstore and would have everything... here, it seems like each store carries one product. So in my search, i met some of sha-ni-qu-was people (sorry!) yeah, i dont think they realized i understood english, they had the most peculiar pick up lines...

I still needed a hair dryer, where the hell was i going to find a hair dryer store? I turned the corner and there was a fake hair store...BINGO! I went in and realized is was a store for more sha-ni-qu-was and people wanting neon weaves....no hairdryer. The lady spoke english and told me i would have to go downtown or try Marglos? I didnt know what that was...until i turned the next corner!

yeahh, it was a superstore, half the size of the ones at home, but alas, i got everything i needed there.

and came home... found a billion tom msgs and passed out!

the housemates are awesome, they informed me that they will be using me as their personal trainer to learn english, they have no idea how awful i am at english!

I have met almost all of them, theres Lisa and Wilma. Jan, Kevin, another one i never met today and peter. hes the one that goes to my school. hes in a program i have never heard of, actually, i cat even remember it rite now. when i asked him what eh does, he said that they learn to use machines and equipment without the manuel, i was confused.. he said that he communicates with machines when nothing else can! hahaha still, this is so strange.

I mentioned before that i was worried my new school wouldnt be easy going like ECI... after a 5 minute conversation with peter, i was assured that rollie chair racing down the halls would be accepted ( if everyone else is like peter!)

My room is huge, i have very little that i brought with me. I have nothing really in it... il buy a plant, they always fill things nicely... maybe find a fabric store and make some curtains for the patio doors in my room!

its almost 4am now, im going to watch a movie and hopefully pass out...

tomorrow... tom and i become tourists.

i propose we go to the zoo... but first we need to find each other!